|
|
7月31日 Just Fred
A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit,
so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a
break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that
he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along
with it.
'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred
Dingaling. I know - a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the
time, so I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades. When I got
older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college,
medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was
Fred Dingaling, MD.
After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to
school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my
degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant
and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I
was Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking
away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred
Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just
Fred.'
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
7月30日
THE OLD PHONE
THIS WAS ONE OF THE 'GOOD OLD DAYS' WHEN PEOPLE REALLY CARED ABOUT EACH OTHER
When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.
Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was 'Information Please' and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.
My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my Mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.
I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the Parlor and dragged it to the landing climbing up; I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear.
'Information, please,' I said into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.
'Information.'
'I hurt my finger,' I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.
'Isn't your mother home?' came the question.
'Nobody's home but me,' I blubbered.
'Are you bleeding?' the voice asked.
'No,' I replied. 'I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts.'
'Can you open the icebox?' she asked.
I said I could.
'Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger,' said the voice.
After that, I called 'Information Please' for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.
Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, 'Information Please,' and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, 'Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring Joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?'
She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, ' Wayne , always remember that there are other worlds to sing in.'
Somehow I felt better.
Another day I was on the telephone, 'Information Please.'
'Information,' said in the now familiar voice.
'How do I spell fix?' I asked.
All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest . When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston . I missed my friend very much. 'Information Please' belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me.
Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.
A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown Operator and said, 'Information Please.'
Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well. 'Information.'
I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, 'Could you please tell me how to spell fix?'
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, 'I guess your finger must have healed by now.'
I laughed, 'So it's really you,' I said. 'I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?'
'I wonder,' she said, 'if you know how much your call meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls.'
I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.
'Please do,' she said. 'Just ask for Sally.'
Three months later I was back in Seattle a different voice answered: Information.' I asked for Sally.
'Are you a friend?' she said.
'Yes, a very old friend,' I answered.
'I'm sorry to have to tell you this,' she said. 'Sally had been working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago.'
Before I could hang up she said, 'Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne ?'
'Yes.' I answered.
'Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you.' The note said, 'Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean.'
I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.
Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.
Whose life have you touched today?
Why not pass this on? I just did....
Lifting you on eagle's wings. May you find the joy and peace you long for.
Life is a journey ... NOT a guided tour. So don't miss the ride and have a great time going around. You don't get a second shot at it.
I loved this story and just had to pass it on. I hope you enjoy it and get a blessing from it just as I did
| 7月29日
I became confused when I heard these terms with reference to the word 'service'.
Internal Revenue 'Service' U.S. Postal 'Service' Telephone 'Service' Cable 'Service' Civil 'Service' State, City & County Public 'Service' Customer 'Service'
This is not what I thought 'service' meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those 'service' agencies are doing to us.
I hope you are as enlightened as I am. 7月28日
This is so true!
|
CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1920's, 30's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us ..
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.
Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a t ruck on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway or Burger King.
Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death! 20
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy fruit Spangles and some bangers to blow up frogs with.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and cubby houses and played in brook with matchbox cars.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no videogames at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, nosurround sound,no mobilephones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms........... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents
Only girls had pierced ears!
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Crossed Buns at Easter time....... really!
We were given BB guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!
Footy =2 0 had trials and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
Our teachers used to belt us with big sticks and leather staps and bully's always ruled the playground at school.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.They actually sided with the law!
Our parents got married before they had children and didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Brooklyn'
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 70 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.
And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
PS -The big type is because your eyes are shot at your age
| 7月27日 IT HAS BEEN RAINING HERE IN CARLSBAD AND THE RAIN IS WELCOMED. TO BRING YOU UP TO DATE.
THE SINK HOLE IS NOW OVER 400 FEET IN DIAMETER AND ITS 750 FEET DEEP. IT WAS CAUSED BY FRESH WATER PUMPED INTO A SALT DOME AND THEN OVER TIME PUMPED OUT AS BRINE USED FOR THE OIL FIELD IN DRILLING OPERATIONS. IT IS STILL GROWING. ANOTHER PLACE LIKE THAT HERE IN THE CITY WAS SHUT DOWN BY ITS OWNER TO AVOID THE SAME PROBLEM.
I STARTED REMODELING A BATHROOM AND ITS A NIGHTMARE.....RUN OUT OF MATERIAL, WRONG STUFF, THE ORDER WILL BE HERE NEXT WEEK, BUT PAY UP FIRST. TYPICAL STUFF THAT CAN GO WRONG, WILL!
I WATCH CNN "BLACK IN AMERICA" AND FOUND IT INTERESTING. REMAINS ME OF THE WORDS OF BILL COSBY BY SOME OF THE THINGS SAID. IT SEEMS ALL AGREE THAT EDUCATION IS THE KEY TO IMPROVING THEMSELVES. THE SAME THING THAT I HAVE SAID ABOUT HISPANICS IN MY REGION. THEY ARE HARD WORKERS BUT DON'T WANT TO FINISH SCHOOL. JOIN GANGS AND BECOME CRIMINAL EARLY IN AGE.
I ALSO WATCH ON FOX "HONOR KILLING" AND MUSLIMS ARE DOING IT. SO SAD, AND ITS STUPID THAT THEY THINK ITS OK...HONOR KILLING IS JUST PLAIN PREMADIATED MURDER WITHOUT PREJUDICE. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT ISLAM IS PEACEFULL. COULD YOU KILL YOU CHILD BECAUSE THEY GO AGAINST WHAT YOU DEMAND? WITH THIS SAID, LIFE IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE HARD IN THE MUSLIM COUNTRIES. KEEP THE WOMEN AS SLAVES. STILL MUHAMMED WAS A PEDOFILE....
July 27, 2008
While touring Mideast, Obama asked Palestinian PM to intervene in case of American girls held by their father in Palestinian-controlled territories
This process could lead to an instructive moment for Obama in the pitfalls of "dialogue" with parties who are all too eager to appear concerned, and say one thing, but do another or perhaps nothing at all, or do the right thing only after appalling delay and intense scrutiny. One hopes his staff and U.S. authorities follow through on securing the girls' return.
"Obama's secret rescue mission seeks to free US mom's kids from Palestinian 'captivity'," by Ginger Adams Otis for the New York Post, July 27:
Barack Obama carried out a secret assignment during his global tour last week.
While talking about the Middle East peace process in the West Bank Wednesday, the presumptive Democratic nominee slipped a note to Palestinian Prime Minister Salam Fayyad.
The private message: Help an anguished Chicago mother get her daughters back.
Obama detailed the plight of Colleen Bargouthi, 36. She says that for the last year, her four daughters have been held in the Palestinian territories, made to wear headdresses and schooled in Islam by their Muslim father, Yasser Shibli.
Obama asked Fayyad's help in Colleen's fight to get her girls home after their Palestinian dad blocked them from returning from what was to be a six-week family trip to his hometown of Ramallah on the West Bank.
"According to Colleen, [her husband] hit her, kept her as a virtual prisoner in her in-laws' home and menaced her with guns," the note reads.
The husband promised he "would return the girls if she went home and found a job and a place for the family.
"Yasser Shibli Bargouthi has since told Colleen that her daughters will never be allowed to leave to return to their mother. I would ask that the minister of justice look into this case."
Obama also asked the US consul general in Jerusalem, Jacob Welles, to investigate and work with Fayyad.
Colleen had taken her case to the Chicago media and met with Obama's camp. But she was unaware of his efforts until contacted by The Post.
An Obama staffer called Colleen Thursday saying that Fayyad had vowed to look into the situation.
"I can't believe it. I am so amazed and pleased," she said.
Colleen could never have imagined the turn of events her life has taken. She was Colleen Davis when she met Yasser, a grocery-store manager, in 1993 through a friend while she worked as a waitress at Midway Airport.
He was a Muslim and she a Baptist, but he told her it was not an issue. She made her religious beliefs clear to his clan and got their blessing before the two married in a Christian ceremony 15 years ago.
Six months later, they traveled to Ramallah and she was welcomed into the family. "I always told him that I was a Christian and would remain one, and that any children we had would be raised Christian," she says.
The couple settled in a Chicago suburb with her son, Ricky, from a previous marriage and had four daughters, Emily, 11, Hannah, 8, Amanda, 6 and Sarah, 5.
Colleen was a stay-at-home mom and her husband became manager of a cellphone store.
The couple bought a house in 1999 but sold it when they couldn't make the payments.
Her husband rarely spoke about his religion and never went to mosque services, she said. Their children attended Cedar Lake Community Christian school. [...]
The couple returned to Ramallah for a family visit and were there on Sept. 11, 2001. They were unable to return home for months and Colleen gave birth there to her fourth child, Amanda.
She told her husband she never wanted to return to the Palestinian territories. But in a nightmare ordeal, he packed up his wife and the five kids for a third trip to Ramallah in June 2007.
"He really wanted to go, and I trusted him, and assumed we'd all come back from this trip, as we had the others," she said.
Almost immediately, tensions arose between the formerly happily married pair.
"He said right away that he didn't want to go home again," Colleen said.
He enrolled all five children in a private American school and signed them up for Islamic religion classes.
"I protested, but it didn't matter . . . When I refused to put headdresses on my daughters, the school said they would fail. Eventually, I pulled them out," Colleen said.
"He felt it was better for the girls to be raised in an Islamic society and not in America."
He demanded that she convert to Islam and grew angry over her refusal, and began to get abusive....
Read it all.
7月24日
Awesome handstitched rug made from ex's fave shirts.
Date: 2008-03-04, 5:20AM CST
Allright folks...I have this lovely, amazing rug made hade out of my evil ex-fiance's favorite shirts! My idea was this...I would cut them up and sew them together in order to make a mat to place under my cat's litter box. Seemed pretty deserving, right? But then I thought...when my ex left me for a 19 year old hussy, really he ditched Tony Montana (my awesome cat) as well, and Tony shouldn't have to walk on the ex's shirt day in and day out (even if it is only to do his kitty "business").
SO! I am offering you all a piece of history. This rug was made from 3 of my ex's most prized shirts, including an old school Beastie Boys shirt he got at a concert years ago. It really is something, and I spent a lot of time making it, so I don't want it to go to waste.
What do I want in return? Well, I'm pretty broke. Our breakup left me essentially pennyless, but whatever. I'm willing to accept anything in return (extra points if YOU have a tshirt rug made from your evil ex's shirt that you would like to trade). Here's the catch though...you have to promise to abuse this rug. I mean straight up abuse it. Make it a front door mat so everyone can wipe their feet on it. Put it under your cat's litter box. Hang it on the wall and throw offensive things at it...I don't care. But if you could send me a photo of the rug once you've had your filthy way with it, I would be much obliged :D
This is a small photo of the rug in question. It is quite large, and if you want, I have a couple more shirts of his that I would gladly attatch to this rug, making it much larger. If you would like a better photo, please just ask, and I will send one your way. But please, serious offers only. This is a work of art, and I am quite proud of it.
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.  7月23日
ally Posted: Wed, 11 Jun 11:44 PDT
I Got Fired Today
Date: 2008-06-11, 11:44AM PDT
I walked into work this morning at about 8:53 this morning and was surprisingly greeted by my V.P.
I thought to myself, "That's odd... I didn't even know he knew I still work here?" He asked me if I knew what time it was because I am normally scheduled to be there at 8am Monday-Friday. I replied, "No, a lion attacked me on the way into work this morning. Lost my watch in the struggle. Enough about me, how can I be of assistance to you today, Mr. (****)?"
Needless to say, he didn't find my explanation very endearing :-/
Next thing I knew, I get pulled into the conference room. Thought to myself, "Geesh, I wonder what this is about?" Walked into the room and saw my direct boss and all his lovely cohorts. They presented me my last four annual reviews and wished to go over them in detail. Naturally, I started laughing because of things I wrote in the past. Didn't know they actually read them? My boss revisted one of them that I wrote in 2007 where I am supposed to comment in the section of "Employee's Greatest Accomplishments". He read it off, "I got the Supervisor/Manager in the deli [downstairs] to start carrying V8 juice."
I laughed and told them to cut to the chase. Whadya know? They had termination papers for me to sign. "Sure." A couple handshakes and then asked for a small box to pack my belongings. They obliged.
Got back to my cubicle w/one of those white Office Max "On-the-Go" file boxes and packed five years worth of stuff. For the last time, I sat in my squeaky chair that never fit me right in all the years I'd been there. Only reason I kept it was because I knew the sound annoyed the shit out of my cubemate. In fact, one day he tried to mace it with WD-40. I lied and told him that I am severly allergic to it. He pouted for me to get a new chair and mumbled a couple swear words. I giggled so hard inside my head to a point that my face turned red. I just blamed the redness on the sight of the WD-40 can.
Anyhow, back to my packing... found a lot of nothing. It hit me that I never really did "set up shop" like everyone else there at work had. You go into some cubes where the ladies have fuzzy arm sleeves for their chairs, hand-knitted blankets for their lap, a plethora of family/friends photos, personal lamps, small fish bowls, and enough plants sitting around to open up a plant nursery. Me? Well, I found the belongings that I had accumulated over five years:
*Microwave pop-corn (take your pick, I have 4 flavors ranging from "Movie Theatre Butter" to Kettle!)
*43 packets of Taco Bell's Mild sauce
*12 packets of Morton's Salt
*5 packets of pepper
*3 packets of mustard
*1 can of Campell's Chunky Beef Barley
*3 Cup of Noodles (beef flavor)
*2 Top Ramen Packs (beef flavor again)
*a box of Quaker Oatmeal "Weight Control" (yeah, no interest... lady a work gave it to me 2 yrs ago)
*4 boxes of Girl Scout cookies that I bought months ago (Thin Mint, Samoas, Peanut Butter Patties)
*1 white bowl and tons of plasticware
*and finally, travel and financial magazines dating back to 2006.
Yep, that's it folks! No pictures, no plants, no fish. Oh, wait... I have one last item I found that hit a soft spot... it's Christmas ornament that was given to me by a co-worker last year. He gives them out every year and they're kinda cute considering he's a big Samoan dude w/a tribe of pooh-pooh makers at home. They make them out of clothes pins.
Moral of my story: Don't eat too much red meat and salty foods - leads to kidney stones.
PS: Let me know if you're hiring :-)
- Location: Only in Seattle
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests 7月22日
THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST
What am I doing wrong?
Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.
I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think
I'm overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get
me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married
to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my
feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead
gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story
there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front
about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial
interests Craig's List PostingID:
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I
see it.
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't
be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense
to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case
you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.
Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know.
ON CRAIG'S LIST ARE LISTED THE ONE HUNDRED TOP ADS. SOME FUNNY, SOME OBNOXIOUS, AND OTHER, WELL YOU JUST GOT TO GO READ THEM. THEY ARE FUNNY.....RALPH 7月21日
PO2 (EOD2) Mike Monsoor, a Navy EOD Technician, was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor posthumously for jumping on a grenade in Iraq , giving his life to save his fellow Seals.
During Mike Monsoor's funeral in San Diego, as his coffin was being moved from the hearse to the grave site at Ft. Rosecrans National Cemetery, SEALs were lined up on both sides of the pallbearers route forming a column of two's, with the coffin moving up the center. As Mike's coffin passed, each SEAL, having removed his gold Trident from his uniform, slapped it down embedding the Trident in the wooden coffin.
The slaps were audible from across the cemetery; by the time the coffin arrived grave side, it looked as though it had a gold inlay from all the Tridents pinned to it. This was a fitting send-off for a warrior hero.
This should be front-page news instead of the crap we see everyday.
Since the media won't air this news, I choose to by forwarding it onto you guys. I am damn proud of our military. If you are proud too, please pass this on. If not then rest assured that these fine men and women of our military will continue to serve and protect.
YOU CAN FIND HIS FUNNERAL ON YOU TUBE.... 7月20日 I RECENTLY GOT A SPEEDING TICKET AND THE DEPUTY SAID I WAS DOING 72 IN A 55 MPH ZONE....NEEDLESS TO ARGUE WITH HIM I WAS GOING TO GO TO COURT...EVENTUALLY I JUST COULD NOT MAKE THE SCHEDULE COURT DATE AND NOT WANTING TO EXTEND IT, I WENT TO PAY THE TICKET...HERE IS MY SURPRISE:
COST IF I MAIL IN $80.
GO TO COURT: SCHEDULED JULY 22, 2008
DECIDE TO PAY INSTEAD BECAUSE OF WORK SCHEDULE:
AUTOMATION FEE.......$10
MAG FACILITIES FEE....$10
CORRECTION FEE....$20
TRAFFIC SAFETY FEE......$3
JUDICIAL EDUCATION FEE.....$2
BRAIN INJURY FEE.....$5
DV TREATMENT FEE.....$5
FINE.......$30
TOTAL....$85
IF I HAD GONE TO COURT AND LOST, $80 PLUS COURT FEES--$55
LOST OF 2 HOURS FROM WORK $54
CALLING THE DEPUTY AN IDIOT DURING COURT IN FRONT OF THE JUDGE--POKEY PLUS FINE, PLUS, COURT FEES, PLUS FINE;;;;
LISTENING TO WIFE TO JUST PAY IT...PRICELESS!!! 7月19日 The Farmer
A farmer had a horrible wife who nagged him mercilessly.
From morning till night (and sometimes later) she was
always complaining about something.
The only time he got any relief was when he was out
plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought
him lunch in the field.
He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a
stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife lit into him again.
Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both
hind feet and caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on
the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather
odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer,
he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a
man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his
head in disagreement.
This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old
farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but
always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come
up and say something about how nice she looked, or how pretty her dress was, so
I'd nod my head in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale." 7月18日 I GOT AN EMAIL TODAY OF A SINK HOLE THAT STARTED AND BY THE END OF THE DAY TODAY, IT HAD GROWN TWICE THE SIZE OF THE PICTURE....
I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHERE IT IS BUT IT'S ON COUNTRY ROAD 217 WHICH IS CALLED THE HAGERMAN CUTOFF. IT IS EAST OF ARTESIA AND THEN SOUTH OUT IN THE OIL FIELD TOWARD THE POTASH MINES. DOWN LOAD THE PICTURE AND TO THE LEFT ON THE ROAD ARE THE SHERIFF VEHICLES. TO THE LEFT BOTTOM CORNER IS A OIL PUMP AREA. THAT IS THE WAY THE PUMP AREAS LOOK OUT HERE. RALPH
7月17日 Hootie Hooo
> Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
> The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he
> drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey
died.'
>
> Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
>
> The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
>
> Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
>
> The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
>
> Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
>
> The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
>
> Chuck said, 'Sure I can Watch me. I just won't tell anybody
he's dead.'
>
> A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened
with
> that dead donkey?'
>
> Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a
piece
> and made a profit of $898.00.'
>
> The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
>
> Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars
back.'
>
> Chuck grew up and works for the governMENT.
send me an email and find out what a DEAD HORSE is....or enter a comment....ralph 7月15日 CLASSIC INSULTS
When Insults Had Class (no 4-letter words!!) These
glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with
words was still valued, before a great portion of the
English language got boiled down to 4-letter words,
not to mention waving middle fingers.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said,
'If you were my husband I'd give you poison,' and he
said, 'If you were my wife, I'd drink it.'
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: 'Sir, you will
either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable
disease.' 'That depends, Sir,' said Disraeli, 'whether
I embrace your policies or your mistress.'
'He had delusions of adequacy.' - Walter Kerr
'He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the
'A modest little person, with much to be modest a bout.'
'I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries
with great pleasure. 'Clarence Darrow
'He has never been known to use a word that might send
a reader to the dictionary.' - William Faulkner (about
'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
'Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll
waste no time reading it.' Moses Hadas
'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea
'I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter
saying I approved of it.'
'He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.'
'I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my
new play; bring a friend.... if you have one.' -
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
'Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend
second... if there is one.' - Winston Churchill, in
'I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like
having you here.' - Stephen Bishop
'He is a self-made man and worships his creator.' -
'I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's
nothing trivial.' - Irvin S. Cobb
'He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of
dullness in others.' - Samuel Johnson
'He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.'
'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation
won't cure.' Jack E. Leonard
'He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.' -
'They never open their mouths without subtracting from
the sum of human knowledge.' - Thomas Brackett Reed
'In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always
Charles, Count Talleyrand
'He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.' -
'Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without
'His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.'
'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.'
'He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination.' -
'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.' - Billy Wilder
'I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.'
| 7月14日 Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.
 
One student turned in the following book report,
With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Titanic:..... Cost - $29.99
Clinton :..... Cost - $29.99
Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton :.... Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton :..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:..... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton :..... Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic:.... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton :.... Ditto for Bill.
Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton :..... Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton :..... Let's not go there.
Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton :.... Monica' s forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton :..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton :..... Monica.. ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton :..... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing
7月13日
Quote
Cooking 'G' Style
I've found an apple, it was sleeping in the fridge for a month or so, but still fresh. I'll cook 'Crispy wonton fruit salad' it's an appetizer or a tasty snack...
Ingredients: for 2 ppl.
4 table spoons of ground shrimp
1 apple
2 table spoons of mayonnaise
2 table spoons of cream cheese
1/2 teaspoon of salt for soaking water
Pinch of salt for the filing
1/2 teaspoon of black pepper
wonton pastry
Fresh oil for frying
Sweet chili sauce or sweet plum sauce, fresh cucumber
 
Step 1: cut apple into small cubes, and then soak in salted water for 1 min.
  Step 2: add ground shrimp, mayonnaise, black pepper,
cream cheese, pinch of salt and apple into a bowl and mix together.  Step 3: add filling mixture in middle of wonton pastry and put a little
water on 4 sides of the square.
  Step 4: wrap wonton one corner to opposite corner, as in the pic.
  Step 5: and then look like this, or you can wrap any style you like.
Make wontons until you've used all the filling mixture.
(just make sure the filling mixture is wrapped, so it doesn't come out while cooking)
  Step 6: heat oil in a pan, add wrapped wontons and deep fry until
they change to a golden brown colour Step 7: drain wontons on some kitchen towel And now you're ready to eat!!
** eat with sweet chili sauce or sweet plum sauce and fresh cucumber**
Enjoy!!
"The next tasty Thai recipe will be coming soon, so keep checking back for
the latest mouth watering dish"
From
Cooking 'G' Style
I was visiting a site and saw this....looks good, good ingredients, it must be good.....thanks Gena
7月12日
'''THIS ARTICLE POST HERE IS FALSE AND BEING PASSED BY EMAIL. DO NOT BELIEVE IT. GO TO EACH CANDIDATES SITE TO SEE WHAT IS ON THEIR AGENDA. REMEMBER, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO PASS INFORMATION LIKE THIS AND CONFUSE THE ISSUES TO CHANGE THE MINDS OF THE VOTERS. MAKE YOUR VOICE BE HEARD. "
(INTERESTING DATA JUST RECEIVED ON TAXES & PROPOSED CHANGES IN TAXES AFTER
2008 GENERAL ELECTION.)
Time to consider your pocketbook:
CAPITAL GAINS TAX
MCCAIN:
0% on home sales up to $500,000 per home (couples). McCain does not propose
any change in existing home sales income tax.
OBAMA:
28% on profit from ALL home sales
How does this affect you?
If you sell your home and make a profit, you will pay 28% of your gain on
taxes. If you are heading toward retirement and would like to down-size your
home or move into a retirement community, 28% of the money you make from
your home will go to taxes. This proposal will adversely affect the elderly
who are counting on the income from their homes as part of their retirement
income.
DIVIDEND TAX
MCCAIN : 15% (no change)
OBAMA : 39.6%
How will this affect you?
If you have any money invested in stock market, IRA, mutual funds, college
funds, life insurance, retirement accounts, or anything that pays or
reinvests dividends, you will now be paying nearly 40% of the money earned
on taxes if Obama becomes president. The experts predict that 'Higher tax
rates on dividends and capital gains would crash the stock market, yet do
absolutely nothing to cut the deficit.'
INCOME TAX (find your bracket)
MCCAIN (no changes)
Single making 30K - tax $4,500
Single making 50K - tax $12,500
Single making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 60K- tax $9,000
Married making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 125K - tax $31,250
OBAMA (reverse all tax cuts)
Single making 30K - tax $8,400
Single making 50K - tax $14,000
Single making 75K - tax $23,250
Married making 60K - tax $16,800
Married making 75K - tax $21,000
Married making 125K - tax $38,750
Under Obama, your taxes will more than double!
How does this affect you? No explanation needed. This is pretty straight
forward.
INHERITANCE TAX
MCCAIN 0% (No change, Bush repealed this tax)
OBAMA Restore the inheritance tax
How does this affect you?
Many families have lost businesses, farms, ranches, and homes that have been
in their families for generations because they could not afford the
inheritance tax. Those willing their assets to loved ones will only lose
them to these taxes.
NEW TAXES BEING PROPOSED BY OBAMA
New government taxes proposed on homes that a re more than 2400 square feet.
New gasoline taxes (as if gas weren't high enough already)
New taxes on natural resources consumption (heating gas, water,
electricity)
New taxes on retirement accounts, and last but not least....
New taxes to pay for socialized medicine so we can receive the same level of
medical care as other third-world countries!!!
THE FOREGOING IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF. . . IT SHOULD MAKE YOU THINK BEFORE YOU CAST YOUR VOTE IN NOVEMBER.
Please spread the word. This will catch a lot of families off guard.
7月11日
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented
the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took
him to catch them.
"Not very long," answered the Mexican.
"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the
American.
The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs
and those of his family.
The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with
my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a
few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."
The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you!
You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra
fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."
"And after that?" asked the Mexican.
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one
and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.
Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate
directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You
can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or
even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting,"
answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you
can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the Mexican.
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast,
sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with
your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
And the moral of this story is: ......... Know where you're going in life...
you may already be there. 7月10日
Barack Obama, the lead Presidential Democratic Party candidate, is for
banning all guns in America. He is considered by those who have dealt with
him as a bit more than just a little self-righteous.
At a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas,
he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to
slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total
silence.
Then he said into the microphone, "Children, every time I clap my hands
together, a child in America dies from gun violence."
Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced
the quiet and said:
"Well, dumb-ass, stop clapping!"
7月9日 This is next for California!
( A scene at City Hall in San Francisco )
"Next."
"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other.
Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to ga y and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"
"All right, all right. Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"
|
工具 
