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3月31日 STROKEHello All,
In case you haven't heard, Glen had a stroke on Sunday morning. Patty, his wife call on Sunday, to ask me about when Forrest and Jewel passed away. Glen didn't even know that and was arguing with Patty, so she called so one of us, Veda or me would tell him. When I spoke with Glen and told him to go to the hospital and had informed him he had a stroke. I told Patty to get him to the hospital and along with her neighbor David, he had told them there was nothing wrong with him, but they got him there anyway. So far, as of this evening, he had been having TIAs for about a year and this was the first major stroke. I guess no one had notice them before including Patty. They did a CAT scan yesterday, and today a MRI and they did not find a tumor or clogged artery but he did have plague. He is currently still in the hospital and is been given blood thinners and other medication for his headaches. They also reported his brain has shrunk and is that of a 74 year old man. Possible he is in the early stages of Alzhiemer. He has been fighting skin cancer for several years, and had radiation treatments several years ago and the doctors believe that has also been a contributer. I ask that you keep him in your prayers. Thanks, Ralph and Veda Glen is my brother in law. A couple of weeks ago, I posted an article on strokes. I was glad I read it and noticed the symptoms. A little knowledge can go a long ways. ROSEThe first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze. "Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..." "No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. "I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me. After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphon e and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know." As we laughed she, cleared her throat and began, " We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets." She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be. When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it! These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE. REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get. We make a Life by what we give. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. You will receive a miracle tomorrow (if you don't think so...look out your window when you wake in the morning and think about it) "Good friends are like stars...! .....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there." 3月29日 8TH GRADE FINAL EXAM --18951895 Eighth Grade Final Exam Remember when our grandparents, great-grandparents, and such stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. - - - This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, KS, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, KS, and reprinted by the Salina Journal. 8th GRADE FINAL EXAM Grammar (Time, one hour) 1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters. 2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no Modifications. 3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph. 4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb. Give Principal Parts of. lie, lay and run 5. Define Case, Illustrate each Case. 6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation. 7. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar. Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours) 1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic. 2. A wagon box is 2 ft deep, 10 feet long! , and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold? 3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1050lbs. for tare? 4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals? 5. Find cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton. 6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent. 7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per meter? 8 Find bank discount on $300 for! 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent. 9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance around which is 640 rods? 10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt. U. S. History (Time, 45 minutes) 1. Give the epochs into which U. S. History is divided. 2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus. 3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War. 4. Show the territorial growth of the United States. 5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas. 6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion. 7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe? 8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865. Orthography (Time, one hour) 1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication? 2. What are elementary sounds? How classified? 3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, sub vocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals? 4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u! '. 5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule. 6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each. 7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup 8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last. 9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays. 10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication. Geography (Time, one hour) 1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend? 2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas? 3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean? 4. Describe the mountains of North America. 5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall & Orinoco. 6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S. 7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each. 8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude? 9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers. 10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth. Also notice that the exam took five hours to complete. Gives the saying "she/he only had an 8th grade education" a whole new meaning, doesn't it? What happened to us??? It is kind of humbling, isn't it? 3月28日 GLAD PLUG IN AIR FRESHENERS3月27日 REDNECKS HUNTINGTwo rednecks are out hunting, and as they're walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole, I can't even see the bottom, I wonder how deep it is?" The second hunter says, "I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom." The first hunter says, "There's this old transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see." So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole. They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind em. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole with no hesitation, and jump in headfirst. While they are standing there look ing at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. "Say there", says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?" The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!" And the old farmer said, "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to a transmission!" 3月26日 THE COB AND COIt was a reunion of one of the last Diesel submarines that had seen much action. They started building nuclear subs and the Diesels were fading from the fleet rapidly. The Com- manding Officer was asked to be the main speaker. He agreed and requested that his old Executive Officer and COB (Chief of the Boat) be seated on either side of him He wanted this so during the meal he could reminisce and find out what the two had been doing since he had seen them last. The CO was in such a hurry to get to his engage- ment that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the COB seated next to him, he complained, "I forgot my teeth, what a m I going to do now!?" The COB said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The CO tried them on. "Too loose," he said. The COB then said, "I have another pair -- try these." The CO tried them on and responded, "Too tight." The COB was not taken back at all. He said, "I have one more pair. Try them." The CO said, "They fit perfectly." With that, he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the CO turned to thank the COB who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid as you did on many occasions while we both served in the Pacific. I'm glad you continued your education and became a Dentist. Where is your office? The COB replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker." You gotta love them Chief Petty Officers -- especially COBs on submarines!!! That COB must have been a Torpedoman...................... 3月25日 FIREARMS"REFRESHER COURSE FOR FIREARMS"
3月24日 COLONOSCOPYColonoscopy
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
'I should be in charge,' said the brain , 'Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen.' 'I should be in charge,' said the blood , 'Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away.' 'I should be in charge,' said the stomach,' Because I process food and give all of you energy.' 'I should be in charge,' said the legs , 'because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.' 'I should be in charge,' said the eyes, 'Because I allow the body to see where it goes.' 'I should be in charge,' said the rectum, 'Because I'm responsible for waste removal.' All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work,,, The asshole is usually in charge Colonoscopies
TOO FUNNY - THE LAST ONE IS THE BEST A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... 1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before! 2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?' 3. 'Can you hear me NOW?' 4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?' 5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.' 6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?' 7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...' 8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!' 9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit! 10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.' 11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?' 12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.' And the best one of all.. 13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?' Since my cancer surgery, some of my friends have sent me these which I laugh at. Life is to short and I was one of those that use to send something like this to others. Keep smiling, I was out when I have my colonoscopy....If your over 50, and never had one, have one, it might save your life, break your bank account and let you enjoy the grandchildren a little longer....it has me....take care, ralph DIESEL-ELECTRIC SUBMARINESDiesel-Electric Submarines, The U.S. Navy’s Latest Annoyance By Grace Jean, National Defense Magazine, April 08 The Navy in recent months has had to contend with several provoking episodes at sea – Iranian small boats speeding at its cruisers, destroyers and frigates; Russian bombers flying over its carriers; and Chinese subs shadowing its warships. Hard-to-detect submarines – such as quiet, diesel-electric boats – are particularly vexing, Navy officials say. They contend that an undersea arms race already has begun in the western Pacific. Nations there in recent years have begun to acquire stealthy diesel-electric submarines. Some of those nations, say Navy officials, could one day threaten U.S. access to strategic coastal areas of the world or interrupt the flow of commerce around the globe. Although the Navy has the world’s most technologically advanced fleet – including state-of-the-art nuclear attack submarines – officials acknowledge that these comparatively low-tech diesel-electric boats could give an enemy an asymmetric advanta “The beauty about a diesel submarine is that it has the potential to be far quieter than a nuclear submarine,” says Guy Stitt, president of AMI International, a Bremerton, Wash.-based company specializing in naval market analysis. Diesel boats are propelled by batteries when submerged and move through the water by diesel engines when on the surface. Once they have powered up their batteries, the submarines can sail to the bottom of coastal waters and remain undetected for days. Though they can’t travel long distances or sail very quickly, advancements in technologies, such as air-independent propulsion and fuel cells, have allowed diesel submarines to extend their operational ranges underwater. But perhaps their best selling point is their relatively inexpensive price tags “It is within the scope of many, many countries to be able to afford them. They don’t need a lot of them. They don’t need to sail them very far, and they don’t have to be particularly proficient with them,” says Vice Adm. Samuel Locklear, commander of the Navy’s Third Fleet, which prepares strike groups to deploy to the Pacific and the Middle East. More than 39 nations possess diesel submarines. One of the latest tallies indicates a total of 377 ships in the world, says Richard Dorn, an analyst at AMI International. And there could be an uptick in the next few years. Wth China continuing to increase the size of its navy, a number of neighboring nations also have begun to develop their undersea capabilities. “There’s a push on in Driving the market in part is Russia, which during the past 18 months has been aggressively selling ships, including its Kilo-class diesels. “We’ve seen a huge increase in the number of sales that they’re booking for Kilos, primarily motivated by the need for funds to strengthen their second tier shipbuilding groups,” says Stitt. Since the end of the Cold War, “They’re going out and making all these deals to sell submarines and ships and using those funds to reinvigorate the industry, which in turn will also benefit them in building up the Russian fleet,” says Stitt. Russia has exported 30 Kilos around the globe and 26 are still in active service. It will deliver two more submarines to Algeria by 2010, five to Some nations have a desire for regional hegemony and want to strengthen their influence in an area. That’s most definitely the reason for President Hugo Chavez buying subs for Venezuela, says Stitt. But for other nations, the reasons are less clear. “There’s a wide array of military assets you can buy, so why would you buy a diesel-electric submarine? As far as I know, it’s not to protect your own port,” says Locklear in an interview at Third Fleet headquarters perched top Point Loma in San Diego. That China’s submarines are surfacing boldly near U.S. warships is a telltale sign of newer advanced technologies, such as acoustic tiles and cavitation-reducing propellers, that are being employed Despite the tensions, those episodes and the topic of submarines did not come up directly in conversations with Chinese officials in January, when the commander of Pacific Command, Adm. Timothy Keating, visited the nation. “We watch them carefully. It’s an area of warfare at which they’re stretching a little bit,” he told reporters during a breakfast meeting in Washington, D.C. “Their numbers of submarines are increasing. The capabilities resident in those submarines are not unimpressive. They’re pretty good – we’re better.” China’s fleet of nuclear and diesel submarines includes 10 Song class, 12 Kilo class, one Yuan class and 32 Romeo class. “We know that they are continually expanding their reach in what they view as their own areas of interest, and that their submarine force is vital to expanding that reach,” says Locklear. The proliferation of diesel submarines in the Pacific is one of the major factors behind the Navy’s decision to move six submarines from the Atlantic Fleet to the Pacific Fleet, says Rear Adm. Joseph Walsh, commander of the Pacific Submarine Force. Because more than 140 diesel subs are within reach of critical “choke points” in the area, anti-submarine warfare is Pacific Fleet’s top war-fighting priority, he adds. The Navy saw its anti-submarine warfare skills diminish after the end of the Cold War. In those days, enemy Soviet nuclear submarines were noisy, and could be detected with passive sonar. But modern-day diesel submarines are not as easily heard, particularly in regions of the seas where biological life and merchant shipping can camouflage their acoustic signatures. It is there, in the noisy waters of the littorals, where detecting submarines can be a cat-and-mouse game, Navy officials say. Rear Adm. John Waickwicz, who was the head of the Naval Mine and Anti-Submarine Warfare Command until he retired in January, says the Navy is looking at anti-submarine warfare in new ways. “When you talk about countries that have 30, 40, or 50 submarines, you can’t wait until they’re around you, because they’re going to overwhelm you,” he says.Potential enemies have figured that to defeat the U.S. Navy, they must “go out and buy submarines, and buy mines,” he says. The mine and anti-submarine warfare command is calling for the deployment of a network of sonobuoys over a wide expanse of ocean to detect enemy submarines. But the project has been marred by technological and funding problems. The most significant hitch is that the data collected by the sensors ta False alarm rates on many of the fleet’s current detection technologies are too high, Waickwicz adds. That forces commanders to waste resources on non-existent threats. Officials insist that the Navy’s anti-submarine warfare capabilities are the best in the business, but they acknowledge that it will take some time to hone the skills to combat stealthy diesel submarines. Waickwicz says that training has improved in recent years, but some individual units are not adequately prepared for at-sea operations. For example, some units have demonstrated sonar operator proficiency on simulations that are not sophisticated enough to replicate the real environment, which puts the sailors at a disadvantage when they conduct operations at sea, says Rear Adm. Frank Drennan, the new commander of the Naval Mine and Anti-Submarine Warfare Command. “The requirements are still the same – they just have to work on them in a challenging environment so that operators are truly proficient when they go to sea,” he says. Hunting for quiet diesel submarines in the shallow waters of the littorals is akin to trying to identify the sound of a single car engine in the din of a major city, he says. There are variations in the underwater topography, with sand bars, coral reefs and channels. Different depths of water and changing salinity and temperatures alter how sounds propagate. Marine life and merchant shipping also complicate the search by generating ambient noise. The only technology that the Navy considers suitable for detecting and tracking diesel submarines is active sonar. It disperses signals out into the water where they bounce off of objects. Those echoes are captured by hydrophones and interpreted by sonar technicians. Contrary to popular belief, sonar is not like radar, which gives complete visibility of “hits” in the air. What sonar technicians see is a screen that is filled with vertical lines representing echoes from objects in the water. Discerning which line is a submarine and which one is a coral reef is a difficult and complex task, sailors say. The Navy spent 40 years building a training range on the coast of Southern California – one of the most extensive in the world, officials say. Underwater sensors track ships’ locations and record operations during exercises. Because the water and ocean bottom conditions are representative of many areas around the world, the range is an ideal location for training strike groups in anti-submarine warfare, says Locklear. But the Navy’s training there has been curtailed by ongoing litigation over the harmful effects of active sonar on marine mammals. Under a federal judge’s ruling, ships were forbidden from using active sonar within 12 nautical miles of shore and had to steer clear of waters between the Santa Catalina and San Clemente islands during a joint training exercise in January for the Abraham Lincoln carrier strike group. Sightings of marine mammals at certain distances also prompted ships to take protective measures, such as powering down sonar or shutting the sensors off completely. “We’re not able to employ the sonar, given those restrictions, in a realistic manner, and it just makes it real tough to assess whether the fleet is proficient at using the technology,” says Capt. Pete Tomczak, deputy director for training at Third Fleet. The use of sonar by the Navy has been linked to mass marine mammal strandings on beaches in the Bahamas and the Canary Islands. Pending necropsy results, the death of a northern right whale dolphin that washed up Jan. 29 on the Navy’s San Nicolas Island could be connected to sonar use. Locklear says the Navy tries to balance its responsibility to protect the environment with its job to prepare sailors for war. He expresses concern that the judge’s ruling, if extrapolated beyond Southern California, could hamper Navy training around the world. “If this becomes precedence setting, I think it will be very difficult for the United States Navy,” he says. “If there was a new technology on the horizon that made this irrelevant, we would be all over it. We just haven’t found it yet.” With prospects of at-sea training diminishing, not only because of the litigation, but also as a result of rising fuel costs and other budget constraints, the Navy is searching for alternative ways to prepare its sailors for anti-submarine warfare. One option is to rely on simulators, says Waickwicz. But he points out that current simulations in the Navy do not replicate sonar accurately. “It’s like playing ‘Pong’ in today’s game world,” he says. While the submarine forces have higher fidelity trainers, much of the rest of the fleet – especially surface ships – have sub-par simulations. “Computer simulations can only go so far. There is still no substitute for at-sea practice against a real submarine,” says Pacific Fleet’s Walsh. Because the U.S. Navy no longer operates diesel-electric submarines, it invites allied countries that own these boats to participate in exercises at Navy ranges on the east and west coasts. The Swedish Navy’s HMS Gotland collaborated most recently with various Navy commands in San Diego. “It was very advantageous to have a diesel submarine crew for two years, to see how they thought, how they approached the issues to go against the ships,” says Waickwicz. “It really opened our eyes to diesel submarines and how active sonar is what you have to have in the strike group.” The experience led to recent changes in the Navy’s anti-submarine warfare doctrine and tactics. 3月22日 INSULTING TO OUR FAITH ON SHARIA LAWMarch 21, 2008"It is insulting to our faith to discuss Sharia in this forum"So said a representative of Pakistan at the UN Human Rights Council in Geneva on March 13, 2008. In a follow up to IHEU's written statement to the UN Human Rights Council describing Islamic efforts to undermine the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Roy Brown, IHEU's main representative at the UN in Geneva, prepared an oral statement for Council debate on 13 March but was prevented from giving it in full because of repeated objections from two Islamic delegations. The prepared statement: "Attempts to restrict freedom of expression and other human rights" Posted by Robert at March 21, 2008 8:25 AM Comments
(Note: Comments on articles are unmoderated, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Dhimmi Watch or Robert Spencer. Comments that are off-topic, offensive, slanderous, or otherwise annoying may be summarily deleted. However, the fact that particular comments remain on the site IN NO WAY constitutes an endorsement by Robert Spencer of the views expressed therein.) DRAW YOUR OWN CONCLUSION, BUT REMEMBER, MUSLIMS STARTED THE WAR FIRST......LOOK AT YOUR HISTORY INCLUDING THE GREAT CRUSADES....WHY CHRISTIANS ATTACKED? 3月19日 STUPID!!YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID EIGHTH PLACE In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. SEVENTH PLACE A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ra n," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run. SIXTH PLACE Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. FIFTH PLACE Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor. FOURTH PLACE Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Delaware, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger. THIRD PLACE The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices: 1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in handguns. 2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers. 3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door. 4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots fro m a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DES ERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns and fired. Paramedics pronounced the robber dead at the scene. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire. SECOND PLACE - HONORABLE MENTION Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter- stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored c ouple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed. FIRST PLACE - RUNNER UP Tacoma, WA: Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brough t a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation fo r it." Bingham's foot was never located. AND THE WINNER Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxativ e and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. Proving that the only fix for stupid is often terminal and also that on occasion... "Shit happens." 3月18日 BEN HOOPER
Tennessee. One morning, they were eating breakfast at a little restaurant, hoping to enjoy a quiet, family meal. While they were waiting for their food, they noticed a distinguished looking, white-haired man moving from table to table, visiting with the guests. The professor leaned over and whispered to his wife, "I hope he doesn't come over here." But sure enough, the man did come over to their table. "Where are you folks from?" he asked in a friendly voice. "Oklahoma," they answered. "Great to have you here in Tennessee," the stranger said. "What do you do for a living?" "I teach at a seminary," he replied. "Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach, do you? Well, I've got a really great story for you." And with that, the gentleman pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with the couple. The professor groaned and thought to himself, "Great. Just what I need... another preacher story!" The man started, "See that mountain over there? (pointing out the restaurant window). Not far from the base of that mountain, there was a boy born to an unwed mother. He had a hard time growing up, because every place he went, he was always asked the same question, 'Hey boy, Who's your daddy?' Whether he was at school, in the grocery store or drug store, people would ask the sa me question, 'Who's your daddy?' He would hide at recess and lunchtime from other students. He would avoid going into stores because that question hurt him so bad. "When he was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to his church. And still, the kid would always go in late and slip out early to avoid hearing the question, 'Who's your daddy?' But one day, the new preacher said the benediction so fast he got caught and had to walk out with the crowd. Just about the time he got to the back door, the new preacher, not knowing anything about him, put his hand on his shoulder and asked him, Son, who's your daddy? The whole church got deathly quiet. He could feel every eye in the Church looking at him. Now everyone would finally know the answer to the question, 'Who's your daddy?' This new preacher, though, sensed the situation around him and using discernment that only the Holy Spirit could give, said the following to that sca red little boy... "Wait a minute! I know who you are! I see the family resemblance now. You are a child of God." With that he patted the boy on his shoulder and said, "Boy, you've got a great inheritance. Go and claim it." With that, the boy smiled for the first time in a long time and walked out the door a changed person. He was never the same again. Whenever anybody asked him, 'Who's your Daddy?' he'd just tell them, "I'm a Child of God." The distinguished gentleman got up from the table and said, "Isn't that a great story?" The professor responded that it really was a great story! As the man turned to leave, he said, "You know, if that new preacher hadn't told me that I was one of God's children, I probably never would have amounted to anything!" And he walked away. The seminary professor and his wife were stunned. He called the waitress over and asked her, "Do you know who that man was -- the one who just left that was sitting at our table?" The waitress grinned and said, "Of course. Everybody here knows him. That's Ben Hooper. He's the former governor of Tennessee !" Someone in your life today needs a reminder that they're one of God's children! "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of God stands forever." ~~ Isaiah 3月17日 A WOMAN'S BRAIN
Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works? Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration: * *
GENTLE THOUGHTSGentle thoughts for today. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. A penny saved is a government oversight. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. He who hesitates is probably right. Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are "XL." If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. There's always a lot to be thankful for If you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together It spells "Theirs?" Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. First you forget names, Then you forget faces. Th en you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down. Long ago when men cursed And beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. Lord, Please keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth...AMEN. !! MARCH MADNESSNCAA BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT BEGINS THIS WEEK AND THE TEAMS HAVE BEEN PICKED. I PERSONALLY WANT TEXAS TO WIN BECAUSE I WAS BORN A TEXAN...LOL... ANYWAY, I THINK THE WAY THE NCAA PICKS ITS TEAMS IS UNFAIR, BUT LET THE GAMES BEGIN..IF YOU HAVE A TEAM AND WANT TO POST A PICK ON THIS SITE SEND ME AN EMAIL AND I WILL POST. NAME TEAM, SCORE, AND USER NAME...BEST OF LUCK ON YOUR PICKS.
3月15日 CURTAIN RODSThe Curtain Rods She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called her ex-husband, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods 3月14日 USAF ACADEMY PLEBE ESSAYUnited States Air Force Academy Plebe Essay
First year cadets at the Air Force Academy are allowed to leave the Academy without penalty up through the end of first-year Christmas break. Those who came back were assigned to write a paper on why they chose to return.
Why return to the Air Force Academy after Winter Break?
So after our sunburns have faded and the memories of our winter break have been reduced to pictures we've pinned on our desk boards, and once again we've exchanged T-shirts and swim suits for flight suits and camouflage, there still remains the question that every cadet at U.S. Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs has asked themselves at some point: Why did we come back? Why, after spending two weeks with our family would we return to one of the most demanding lifestyles in the country? After listening to our 'friends' who are home from State or Ivy League schools chock full of wisdom about how our war in Iraq is unjust and unworldly, why would we return? And after watching the news and reading the papers which only seem to condemn the military's every mistake and shadow every victory, why would we continue to think it is worth the sacrifice of a normal college life?
Is it because the institution to which we belong is tuition-free?
Anyone who claims this has forgotten that we will, by the time we graduate, repay the US taxpayer many times over in blood, sweat, and tears. Is it because the schooling we are receiving is one of the best undergraduate educations in the country? While the quality of the education is second to none, anyone who provides this as a main reason has lost sight of the awesome responsibility that awaits those who are tough enough to graduate and become commissioned officers in the U.S. Air Force.
I come back to the Academy because I want to have the training necessary so that one day I'll have the incredible responsibility of leading the sons and daughters of America in combat. These men and women will never ask about my Academy grade point average. Their only concern will be that I have the ability to lead them expertly. I will be humbled to earn their respect. I come back to the Academy because I want to be the commander who saves lives by negotiating with Arab leaders...in their own language.
I come back to the Academy because, if called upon, I want to be the pilot who flies half way around the world with three mid-air refuelings to send a bomb from 30,000 feet into a basement housing the enemy... through a ventilation shaft two feet wide. Becoming an officer in today's modern Air Force is so much more than just command; it is being a diplomat, a strategist, a communicator, a moral compass, but always a warrior first.
I come back to the Air Force Academy because, right now, the United States is fighting a global war that is an 'away game' in Iraq - taking the fight to the terrorists.
Whether or not we think the terrorists were in Iraq before our invasion, they are unquestionably there now. And if there is any doubt as to whether this is a global war, just ask the people in Amman , in London , in Madrid , in Casablanca , in Riyadh , and in Bali .
This war must remain an away game because we have seen what happens when it becomes a home game... I come back to the Academy because I want to be a part of that fight.
I come back to the Academy because I don't want my vacationing family to board a bus in Paris that gets blown away by someone who thinks that it would be a good idea to convert the Western world to Islam.
I come back to the Academy because I don't want the woman I love to be the one who dials her last frantic cell phone call while huddled in the back of an airliner with a hundred other people seconds away from slamming into the Capitol building.
I come back to the Academy because during my freshman year of high school I sat in a geometry class and watched nineteen terrorists change the course of history live on television. For the first time, every class currently at a U.S. Service Academy made the decision to join after the 2001 terror attacks.
Some have said that the U.S. invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan only created more terrorists... I say that the attacks of September 11th, 2001 created an untold more number of American soldiers; I go to school with 4,000 of them. And that's worth more than missing a few frat parties.
Joseph R. Tomczak, Cadet, Fourth Class, United States Air Force Academy
(U.S. Senator Wayne Allard (R-Colorado) had Cadet Tomczak's essay read into the Congressional Record, and at a meeting of the Air Force Academy Board of Visitors he presented Cadet Tomczak with a framed copy of the essay.) 3月13日 GOTTA LOVE THE BRITS Gotta Love the Brits This is an excellent investment of six minutes of your time http://www.dotsub.com/films/moredemands/index.php?autostart=true&language_setting=en_1618 3月12日 COWBOY WHISPERERCowboy Whisperer
Cowboy: ‘That your dog?’ Indian : ‘Yep.’ Cowboy: ‘Mind if I speak to him?’ Indian: ‘Dog no talk.’ Cowboy: ‘Hey dog, how’s it going?’ Dog: ‘Doin’ all right.’ Indian: (Look of shock!) Cowboy: ‘Is this Indian your owner?’ Dog: ‘Yep.’ Cowboy: ‘How’s he treating you?’ Dog: ‘Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food & takes me to the lake once a week to play.’ Indian: (Look of total disbelief) Cowboy: ‘Mind if I talk to your horse?’ Indian: ‘Horse no talk.’ Cowboy: ‘Hey horse, how’s it going?’ Horse: ‘Cool.’ Indian: (Extreme look of shock!) Cowboy: ‘Is this your owner?’ Horse: ‘Yep.’ Cowboy: ‘How’s he treating you?’ Horse: ‘Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often & keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather.’ Indian: (Look of total amazement) Cowboy: ‘Mind if I talk to your sheep?’ Indian: ‘Sheep Lie.’ |
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