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    December 30

    2008

    After serious & cautious consideration.....your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2008!


    My Wish for You in 2008

    May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts.

    May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.

    May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!

    May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy.

    May the problems you had forget your home address!
    In simple words ............

    May 2008 be the best year of your life!!!

    December 29

    IN SHARIAH, DEMOCRACY IS UN-ISLAMIC

    December 28, 2007

    “In Shariah, democracy is un-Islamic. Our movement is completely against what you call democracy"

    Much better to leave it to a Tiny Minority of Extremists to wield all legislative, executive, and judicial power, eh? This story appears to precede Bhutto's assassination yesterday, but is nonetheless highly relevant to yesterday's events.

    "Taliban leader warns against using religion for electoral gains," by Iqbal Khattak for the Daily Times:

    BANNU: A senior Taliban leader warned parties on Thursday against “using religion for electoral gains”, saying they would join parties urging boycott of January 8 polls.
    “In Shariah, democracy is un-Islamic. Our movement is completely against what you call democracy in which a small majority can decide irrespective of the fact whether what they have done was good or bad,” the Taliban leader, asking not to be named, told Daily Times in an interview here.
    He said the Taliban were “against elements who are using Islam for electoral gains”.

    This un-named Taliban leader doesn't appear to take into account the fact that democracy might be used to bring about more Sharia law; after all, the success or failure of a democracy depends on the values that inform its participants-- both candidates and voters. But perhaps Sharia-by-democracy isn't fast enough, and those gains won't guarantee the abolition of the present system. And at any rate, this election won't hand the Taliban the absolute power to which they believe they are divinely entitled.

    The warning comes at a time when Maulana Fazlur Rehman, contesting the National Assembly seat NA-26 in Bannu besides NA-24 (Dera Ismail Khan), is rallying for party candidates to win as many National and provincial assembly seats amidst stiff challenges from rival candidates in southern districts of the Frontier province, the JUI-F heartland.
    Severe punishment: “Our members in Bannu district are strictly barred from taking part in the elections and anyone found guilty of violating the directive will be severely punished,” said the senior Taliban leader who did not wish to be identified.
    He said there were around 500 Taliban members in Bannu city. “We will join forces trying to convince the people that people’s solution of problems does not rest with democracy,” he said.

    Posted by Marisol at December 28, 2007 7:51 AM
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    Comments
    (Note: Comments on articles are unmoderated, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Jihad Watch or Robert Spencer. Comments that are off-topic, offensive, slanderous, or otherwise annoying may be summarily deleted. However, the fact that particular comments remain on the site IN NO WAY constitutes an endorsement by Robert Spencer of the views expressed therein.)

    "“We will join forces trying to convince the people that people’s solution of problems does not rest with democracy,” he said.

    ...Islamic methods of convincing people include but is not limited to : intimidation, murder, rape, extortion, bombings, and fatwas....

    ...Islam....feel the love....Posted by: exsgtbrown [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 8:15 AM

    “In Shariah, democracy is un-Islamic. Our movement is completely against what you call democracy in which a small majority can decide irrespective of the fact whether what they have done was good or bad,”


    In a recent poll 76% of Pakis favored strict implementation of Sharia. (.pdf download) http://www.terrorfreetomorrow.org/upimagestft/Pakistan%20Poll%20Report.pdf

    In past 24 hours all top republican candidates re-emphasized how important it was for Pakistan to overcome this tragedy and to continue the move towards democratic elections. Posted by: USorThem [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 8:55 AM

    "Our movement is completely against what you call democracy in which a small majority can decide . . . ."
    says Taliban leader

    Last time I looked, a small majority was still larger than the largest minority. Posted by: ebonystone [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 9:38 AM

    "He said there were around 500 Taliban members in Bannu city."

    Psst...Hey, NATO forces...bomb Bannu CityPosted by: Mr Ape Pig [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 9:47 AM

    "In past 24 hours all top republican candidates re-emphasized how important it was for Pakistan to overcome this tragedy and to continue the move towards democratic elections."

    Democratic elections got Hamas elected. Its not neccessarly a good thing. Posted by: Elric66 [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 10:31 AM

    "Taliban leader warns against using religion for electoral gains,"
    .................................

    See, in the US, such a headline would indicate disapproval of a candidate or supporter *using religion* for electoral gains--say, in the campaign of Mike Huckabee, or Mitt Romney. or Jesse Jackson, or Pat Robertson, or Pat Buchannan.

    In the above statement, the disapproval is not about the use of religion, but using it to gain *electoral votes*.

    Exsgtbrown wrote:

    ...Islamic methods of convincing people include but is not limited to : intimidation, murder, rape, extortion, bombings, and fatwas....
    ........................

    Exactly so. Any election is an appeal to people, urging them to vote for the candidate or policy that is best for society. Candidates and backers of policies must convince the electorate--through emotional appeals, promises, or, ideally, through reason--that such votes are warranted.

    As Exsgtbrown points out, the only alternative to democracy is force. This is what the Jihadists want to return to--*as a principle*.

    And we know exactly what it looks like. Afghanistan under the Taliban was just about as close to hell on earth as is possible.


    Posted by: gravenimage [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 10:32 AM

    It is true, democracy and shari'a are incompatible. Shari'a is a "revealed" law, a one-off deal. Once the source, e.g., Muhammad, is dead and buried, the entire collection of statutes is complete and considered immutable. Sovereignty is vested in the revealer. Under such a system there is no need of a legislative function, only interpretation ("judges", imams, Islamic "scholars", etc.) and executive (enforcement) functions.

    Democratic rule on the other hand, vests sovereignty in the people who are living. They may choose to incorporate statutes which their deceased forebears enacted but the living always have the option of abrogating those statutes and enacting their own. It is the ultimate definition of self-determination for any society.

    Islamic law is codified by the Islamic canon, Koran, hadiths and the biography of Muhammad. It is elaborated by over a thousand years of interpretation by Islamic "scholars". No amount of interpretation can abrogate a single syllable of the canon. So for all practical purposes, Islamic law (a.k.a. "shari'a") began to lose its relevance to the living as soon as the Prophet exhaled his last breath.

    Now 13 centuries later, shari'a persists as a 7th century warrior code that has been poorly scaled up in an attempt to meet the needs of political and social conditions that could never have been envisioned by the illiterate desert brigands who conceived it. By modern standards it is atavistic and is only suited to a social order that civilized peoples in Europe, Asia, the Americas, and Australia abandoned centuries ago.

    It is an ideology that is a self-evident failure in the modern world and it must be either confined to the primitive societies that desire it, with extreme force if necessary, or, like the barbaric religions of rain forest cannibals, it must be extinguished. Posted by: DrMack [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 10:37 AM

    Norman Davies in his 1996 book, Europe, A History:

    "... Democracy has few values of its own: it is as good, or bad, as the principles of the people who operate it. In the hands of liberal and tolerant people, it will produce a liberal and tolerant government; in the hands of cannibals, a government of cannibals."Posted by: Goob [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 10:53 AM

    Why are we threatening Pak to democratize now, when polls show that if he ran, Osama Bin Laden would win? The first priority of our foreign policy should be to further our own security. We can best do that by supporting anti-jihadist elements, even if that means postponing democratic change.
    Somehow, it has become axiomatic that democracy cures terrorism. It's more like a chain of events, where less Islam leads to greater tolerance and respect for human law, which leads to less violence, which leads to social cohesion, which leads to more voluntary political arrangements like democracy. Note the essential first step. Posted by: jewdog [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 11:24 AM

    New speech for Bush, or any other would be presidential canidate ... reposting from yesterday


    Bush:

    "Fellow countrymen I must say now that I have been misleading you. Islam is not a peacefull faith. It is a faith designed around Arabic imperialism, and the subjugation of all non-Muslims. Yes this includes you and I. From now on all American foreign policy towards Islamic nations will be backed by knowledge of Hadith, Sura, and Quranic texts. We understand now that we are Dar 'Al Harb, which translates to the land of war. At best non-Islamic states can only live in a fragile coexistance on the same planet with Islam. Today I am asking the Supreme Court to reclassify Islam as a cult, which is bent on overthrowing our government. The scope of this conflict has been clouded by words like al Queda, moderate Islam, radical Islam, War on Terror ... The world has been at war since Islam became a political force, and will continue to be at war. From now on all U.S. foriegn policy will be based upon these facts. There will be dark days ahead of us now that I have spoken to you in plain English about this threat, but this is the first step in defeating the spread of this cancer, which threatens our very existance. Thankyou very much for your time ... you may direct your questions to my new Secratary of State Robert Spencer
    Posted by: ethoman [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 11:40 AM

    Sharia and democracy are incompatible. It's that simple. If true democracy (which must be accompanied by an enlightened legal system and a proper moral order, neither of which can be found in Islamic religious law) takes hold in any majority Muslim country, it will be in spite of, not because of, Islam. This is not the case for the other major religions of the world which pose no obstacle to democracy as Islam does. Thus Islam reveals itself to the world again as a burden, in this case respecting the institution of democracy, but there are numerous other ways it is a burden as well, as so many who post here know only too well. Posted by: Wellington [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 12:03 PM

    Democracy and sharia are fundamentally incompatible. Muslim political leaders say it, Muslim scholars say it, illiterate Muslims say it. Non-Muslim scholars say it. The common man in non-Muslim societies say it. Our ancestors said it. So we all know it. That is, we all know it with the exception of our young children, the severely mentally handicapped and our politicians.

    Sharia and democracy cannot coexist in any society. I choose democracy and am willing to fight to the death to ensure that neither my family nor I shall ever have to live under the tyranny of sharia. I am willing to fight myself and am willing to commit my children, my treasure and my energy to a nation that employs a professional armed force to utterly exterminate anyone on the planet who designs that we shall be subject to sharia by force of arms.

    It's way past time for our politicians to wake up and smell the napalm. The world is at war and it is a war that the proponents of sharia have declared on us, not the other way round. Posted by: SaracensAtTheGates [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 1:26 PM

    DrMack,

    Excellent summation of the competing systems of democracy and Sharia. The entire Sharia system really is hermetically sealed, whereas democracy continually experiments with new forms of law. It has not yet permeated Western consciousness that Islam contains within it a legal code. Westerners still think of religion as something protected by law, not the something that contains the law.

    I fear that it is the inability of the average Westerner (an inability abetted by the continual obfuscation of Islam's natural tendencies by our self-anoited elites) to understand such simple political and philosophical distinctions, though, that leads us to be vulnerable.

    It needs to be put in simple terms for the simple people: Would you rather be ruled by the terms laid out by Mohammed, who claimed they were also the rules laid out by his god, Allah, or would you rather make your own decisions based on your own conscience?

    The whole argument that the Islamic tradition refers to "consulting" the people is a far cry from compatibility with democracy. As I understand it (and I'm probably right because it's not really that complicated an issue), this "consultation" with the people only occurs in rare circumstances, chosen by the caliph or the ruling class. In other words, the idea of regular elections, which is a cornerstone of democracy, is completely alien to the Muslim tradition. What good is it to have the "right" to be consulted when the ruler has no corresponding obligation to consult you?Posted by: venividivici [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 1:33 PM

    Emphasizing democracy over freedom and individual rights was a HUGE goof on the part of our government. And one from which I fear we may not easily recover.

    Consider:

    If the pro-democracy parties win the public debate, they vote in a Sharia gov't and the jihaddis win.

    If the anti-democracy parties win the public debate, they appoint a Sharia gov't and the jihaddis win.

    Is it really possible that the people in Washington are that stupid?
    Posted by: joeblough [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 6:12 PM

    " “In Shariah, democracy is un-Islamic. ... (in) what you call democracy a small majority can decide irrespective of the fact whether what they have done was good or bad,” ..."

    ------------------------

    Which is SO MUCH WORSE than having a handful of mind-controlled mullahs decide (irrespective of the facts) that what they've done is good...Posted by: A_Nonny_Mouse [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 6:22 PM

    One thing not mentioned: the Quran exhorts true believers to follow the leader Allah has appointed for them as they would follow Mohammed or Allah himself. In other words, once someone is declared the new leader, the "little people" (the ignorant masses, as instructed by the ignorant mullahs) must follow his dictates. Under Sharia, power devolves from God to the leader he has appointed, so there is no concept of "government by consent of the governed"; no belief that power resides in the people. The prophet tells believers that they will get the kind of leader they deserve: if the populace is religious, obedient and faithful, they will be blessed with a beneficent leader; if their leader is cruel and corrupt it's because the people were not firm enough in their religion. So the leader is not responsible for what he does, it's all up to Allah. (How convenient.) And thus the little people can do no more than mutter "inshallah" if asked how they want their country run.

    I'm soooo glad I was born in America!Posted by: A_Nonny_Mouse [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 28, 2007 7:40 PM

    A government ruled by religion leads to witch hunts......you will lno long think, because, its blasphemy what you think, so you must be a witch or warloak...off with your head.....ralph
     
    December 28

    CHURCH BELLS GO SILIENT IN GAZA

    December 27, 2007

    Church bells go silent in Gaza

    While a Palestinian priest utters sweet dhimmi nothings -- saying, as dhimmis have always said, that the Muslims are wonderful, and the Christians identify with them -- the reality suggests otherwise. "Christmas under Hamas rule," by Katya Adler for BBC News (thanks to Mark Durie):

    Earlier this year, the Islamist Hamas party took control of Gaza, home to a thriving Christian community now preparing to celebrate their first Christmas under Hamas rule.

    Manawel Musallam - priest, headmaster and Gazan - is a rotund, avuncular man, fond of wearing berets.

    I have come to his office to ask how Christians in Gaza were faring on this, their first Christmas under the full internal control of Hamas.

    "You media people!" Father Musallam boomed at me when I first poked my head around his door.

    "Hamas this, Hamas that. You think we Christians are shaking in our ghettos in Gaza? That we're going to beg you British or the Americans or the Vatican to rescue us?" he asked.

    "Rescue us from what? From where? This is our home."

    [...]

    "You see," Fr Musallam told me, as he gazed indulgently at the goings-on on stage. "Our identity is a multi-layered one."

    "Of course, I am a Christian believer, but politically I am a Palestinian Muslim. I resist Israel's military occupation, obviously not with weapons.

    "The Jihad can never be mine but with my words, my sermons, I am a Palestinian priest."

    [...]

    "We have lived alongside Muslims here since Islam was born," said Fr Musallam, waving his arm at the stage.

    "They have a special word for us, the Christians of Palestine. They call us Nasserine - the people of Nazareth. They recognise that we have always been here.

    "Even the more extreme Muslims see a difference between us and other Christians they regard as enemies and call Crusaders."

    There is no evidence to suggest the Hamas government here officially discriminates against Christians but its takeover in Gaza - its military wing's leading role in armed resistance against Israel, along with the Islamic Jihad faction - have all led to the increasing Islamisation of Gazan society.

    And that has encouraged some extremist Muslims to take action.

    A Christian bookshop owner was killed here a couple of months ago.

    There was a kidnap attempt on another Christian recently.

    And a number of Christian families we spoke to say they had received death threats.

    They question Hamas' willingness to take action to protect them.

    However, it was under Hamas armed escort that we met the Latin Patriarch of Jerusalem, Michel Sabbah, on a special pre-Christmas visit to Gaza.

    It was quite a spectacle.

    The Patriarch, dressed in a purple cassock, stepped out of a black, shiny Mercedes at the Latin Church in Gaza City.

    'God's creatures'

    A crowd of police cars screeched to a halt all around him, lights flashing and sirens screaming. Bearded gunmen dressed in black jumped out to guard him.

    In previous years, the Patriarch's Christmas sermon has concentrated on the suffering of Palestinians under Israeli military occupation but this year he preached steadfastness in the face of intimidation by Islamist fanatics.

    "They forget we are all God's creatures," he told a concerned-looking congregation.

    "But nobody can tell us Christians how to dress, how to live or how to pray".

    The patriarch called on the Hamas government to take responsibility and to protect the Christian citizens of Gaza, along with everyone else.

    As the crowded church was belting out hallelujahs, I stepped into the church courtyard for some fresh air.

    The Muslim call to prayer was beginning to echo from the myriad of mosques all around.

    I thought how this reflected the situation in Gaza in Christmas 2007 - that while the muezzin were on loudspeaker, the church bells here are played from a cassette tape.

    A nervous young nun adjusted the volume - loud enough to peel through the church but not to penetrate its walls - it might risk offending Muslim Gazans passing by.

    Mark Durie sums it up:

    I was reminded by this story of the text of the 7th century "Pact of Umar", in which Chrisitans, when surrendering to Islam, agreed to silence their bells: "We shall use only [wooden] clappers in our churches very softly."

    The prohibition on ringing bells was one of the universal restrictions imposed by Islamic law upon 'dhimmis' - non-Muslims living under Islam after conquest. The bells of Middle Eastern Christians fell silent for more than a thousand years, until the European Powers dismantled the dhimmi system during the 19th and 20th centuries. Now the age-old discriminatory laws are being enforced again, and Hamas is proving as good as its word, for when it took power in Gaza the local Christians were told that as they were now in a full Islamic system they 'must accept Islamic law'. The silence of the bells bears witness that Hamas has told the truth about its intentions.

    The silence is bad enough, but what distressed me most about Adler's report was her claim - paradoxically in the very same article - that "There is no evidence to suggest the Hamas government here officially discriminates against Christians…"

    This Christmas season Gazan Christians are being resubjected to the odious, humiliating discriminations of the dhimmi system. This makes Christmas a very good time for the rest of the world to wake up and pay attention to the stark historical reality of dhimmi Christians' lives under Islamic rule, and to the intolerable reimposition of these conditions in many Muslim societies in the present day.

    Posted by Robert at December 27, 2007 6:30 AM

    December 27

    MAXINE ON MINORITIES

    Maxine on Minorities - Good old Maxine.  She is right on target, as usual.

     


    We need to show more sympathy for these people.
    * They travel miles in the heat.
    * They risk their lives crossing a border.
    * They don't get paid enough wages.
    * They do jobs that others won't do or are afraid to do.
    * They live in crowded conditions among a people who speak a different language.
    * They rarely see their families, and they face adversity all day every day.

     

    I'm not talking about illegal Mexicans; I'm talking about our troops!
    Doesn't it seem strange that many Democrats and Republicans are willing to

    lavish all kinds of social benefits on illegal's but don't support our troops and 

    now are threatening to defund them?

    December 25

    GOD'S COCOA

    God's Cocoa  

      

     A group of alumni, all highly established in their respective careers, got together for a visit with their old university professor.  The conversation soon turned to complaints about the endless stress of work and life in general...

     

    Offering his guests cocoa, the professor went into the kitchen and soon returned with a large pot of cocoa and an eclectic assortment of cups:  porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal - some plain, some expensive, some quite exquisite.  Quietly he invited them to help themselves.

     

    When each of his former students had a cup of cocoa in hand, the old professor quietly cleared his throat and began to patiently address the small gathering.

     

    ''You may have noticed that all of the nicer looking cups were taken up first, leaving behind the plainer and cheaper ones. While it is only natural for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is actually the source of many of your stress related problems.''

     

    ''Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the cocoa.  In fact, the cup merely disguises or dresses up what we drink.  What each of you really wanted was cocoa, not a cup, but you instinctively went for the best cups ... then you began eyeing each other's cups.''

     

    ''Now consider this:  life is cocoa.  Jobs, money, and position in society are merely cups.  They are just tools to shape and contain life, and the type of cup we have does not truly define nor change the quality of the life we live.''

     

    ''Often, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the cocoa that God has provided us.  God brews the cocoa, but he does not supply the cups.  Enjoy your cocoa!''

     

    The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.

     

    So please remember:  live simply.  Love generously.  Care deeply.  Speak kindly.  Leave the rest to God.

     

    MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

     

    December 24

    FOUR BOYFRIENDS

    The Four Boyfriends

     

    Once upon a time there was a girl who had four boyfriends. She loved the fourth boyfriend the most and adorned him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.


    She also loved the third boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.

    She also loved her second boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.


    The girl's first boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him!

     

    One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, 'I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.'

     

    Thus, she asked the fourth boyfriend, 'I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'


    'No way!', replied the fourth boyfriend, and he walked away without another word. His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.

     

    The sad girl then asked the third boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'

     

    'No!', replied the third boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else!' Her heart sank and turned cold.

     

    She then asked the second boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?'


    'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the second boyfriend. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.' His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.

     

    Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.'

    The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.

    Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!'

     

    In truth, you have four boyfriends in your lives:
    Your fourth boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.


    Your third boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth. When you die, it will all go to others.


    Your second boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.


    And your first boyfriend is your spirit. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.

     

      However, your spirit is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity.


    Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees,
    you're in the perfect position to pray.   Pass this on to someone you care about - I just did.


    Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.

     

    December 23

    BUTT NAKE----OUCH!!!

     This is hilarious...


     Guys will cringe and the women will laugh at this.
     
     We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can
    top this one:
     
     Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
    legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm
    lying.
     
     On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the
    truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
    sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next
    day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage
     on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given
    in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.


     Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was

    taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me

    from the kitchen.
     
     "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
    "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
    pitter-patter AND STEAM, "RESET IT YOURSELF!"
     "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks
    me in?"
     
     THERE WAS A MEANINGFUL PAUSE AND THEN, "C\'MON, IT\'LL ONLY TAKE YOU A
    SECOND." 


    So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged

    nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly.
      
     Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find
    the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
      
     It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
     No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing
    metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling
    objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around
    the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the
    precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
    unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all
    rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a
    violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
    masculine region.

     Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.
     Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know
    this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when
    the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
     THE IMPACT KNOCKED ME OUT COLD.
     
     When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
     Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding
    oneself lying on the kitchen f loor butt naked in front of a group of
    "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
     Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all
    snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
    trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
      
     Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it
    back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an
    explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was
    too painful to talk about, WHICH IT WAS.
      
     "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
       
     IF THEY ONLY KNEW!

     Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

    December 21

    Talking about Oldest U.S. WWI vet dies at 109 - Military- msnbc.com

     

    Quote

    Oldest U.S. WWI vet dies at 109 - Military- msnbc.com
    Skip

    So long, Mr. Coffey, you did your part in defending our country...Salute to you, Sir....

     

     

    December 20

    APPALACHIAN- AMERICANS

    Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading
    America,
             Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be
                              referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
     
                              You must now refer to them as
                                 APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
     
     
                                     And furthermore
     
     
     
                  HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
     
     
     
     
                     1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a
                                  "BREASTED AMERICAN."
     
     
     
     
     
                              2. She is not "EASY" - She is
     
                               "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
     
     
     
     
                        3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a
                 "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
     
     
     
     
                         4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a
                             "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
     
     
     
     
                         5. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes
                                 "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
     
     
     
     
                       6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a
                                  "LOW COST PROVIDER."
     
     
     
     
     
                        HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY
                                        CORRECT:
     
     
     
     
                  1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a
                            "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
     
     
     
     
                           2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is
                                   "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
     
     
     
     
                       3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He
                        "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
     
     
                            4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in
                                 "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
     
     
     
               5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of
                               "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
     
     
     
             6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's
                                    "REAR CLEAVAGE."
     
     
     

    Bubba went to a psychiatrist.
    'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

    'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'

    'How much do you charge?'


    'Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor.'

    'I'll sleep on it,' said Bubba.

    Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?' asked the psychiatrist.

    'Well Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

    'Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

    'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now !!!'



    Git 'er dun!!!!!!!!!
    December 19

    BOEING 797 --- WOOW!!!

    BOEING 797 -- WOW!!

     

    �

    Look at this new aircraft....

    Boeing is preparing a 1000 passenger jet that could reshape the Air travel industry for the next 100 years. The radical Blended Wing design has been developed by Boeing in cooperation with the NASA Langley Research Center. The mammoth plane will have a wing span of 265 feet compared to the 747's 211 feet, and is designed to fit within the newly created terminals used for the 555 seat Airbus A380, which is 262 feet wide.

    The new 797 is in direct response to the Airbus A380 which has racked up 159 orders, but has not yet flown any passengers. Boeing decided to kill its 7 47X st retched super jumbo in 2003 after little interest was shown by airline companies, but has continued to develop the ultimate Airbus crusier 797 for years at its Phantom Works research facility in Long Beach, Calif.

    The Airbus A380 has been in the works since 1999 and has accumulated $13 billion in development costs, which gives Boeing a huge advantage now that Airbus has committed to the older style tubular aircraft for decades to come.

    There are several big advantages to the blended wing design, the most important being the lift to drag ratio which is expected to increase by an amazing 50%, with overall weight reduced by 25%, making it an estimated 33% more efficient than the A380, and making Airbus's $13 billion dollar investment look pretty shaky.

    High body rigidity is anothe r key factor in blended wing aircraft, It reduces turbulence and creates less stress on the air frame which adds to efficiency, giving the 797 a tremendous 8800 nautical mile range with its 1000 passengers fly ing comfortably at mach 0.88 or 654 mph (+-1046km/h) cruising speed a nother advantage over the Airbus tube-and-wing designed A380's 570 mph (912 km/h).

    The exact date for introduction is unclear, yet the battle lines are clearly drawn in the high-stakes war for civilian air supremacy.

    �

    �

     

    THIS STORY HAS NOT BEEN CONFIRMED BUT IT SURE COULD BE THE BIGGEST TALL TAIL THIS YEAR....ralph

    December 18

    FIRST DATE

    First Date

    If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
     
    Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.

    The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

    She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.

    It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

    They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

    They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!

    Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

    They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.

    In t he deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

    Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.

    As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.

    Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

    Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off" and in need of some assistance!

    He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

    She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

    Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

    Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
     
    So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to  unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

    Jay Leno's comment... "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off".
     
    Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

    December 17

    Talking about Saudi king pardons rape victim - Mideast/N. Africa - msnbc.com

    IF THIS IS SHARRI LAW, THINK ABOUT THE INNOCENT VICTIMS THAT HAVE GONE PUNISHED BY THE VERY LAW THAT IS SUPPOSE TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT.  I WOULD NEVER WANT THIS KIND OF LAW.  RALPH 

    Quote

    Saudi king pardons rape victim - Mideast/N. Africa - msnbc.com
    Skip
    December 16

    SECOND AMENDMENT "RIGHT TO BEAR ARM"

    I especially like the #1 rule.
     
    To all you old law dogs now just lyin' in the shade, current pistoleros and other fervent Second Amendment believers:  I would rather be your friend, but if you are not interested in that, I am prepared to be a capable and efficient enemy.   
     
    This is the law:  The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense.  The sword is more important than the shield and skill is more important than either.  The final weapon is the brain.  All else is supplemental. As John Steinbeck once said :  
    1.  Don't pick a fight with an old man.  If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you. 
    2.  If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.  
    3.  I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.  
    4.  America is not at war.  The U.S. Military is at war.  America is at the Mall.  
    5.  When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away. (but shoot first anyway, then call 911) 
    6.  A reporter did a human interest piece on the Texas Rangers.  The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?'.  The Ranger responded with, 'Because they don't make a '46.'  
    7.  An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity. 
    8.  The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm.  'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol.  Are you expecting trouble?'  'NO Ma'am.  If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle.' (Winchester Model 94  30-30 Cal. and loaded with Winchester Silver Tips, no doubt).  
    9.  Beware the man who only has one gun.  HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!! 
    AMEN! 
    To this I will add my comments.  I was once asked by a lady visiting, if I had a gun in the house.  To which I said I did.  She said 'well I certainly hope it's not loaded!'  To which I said, 'of course it is loaded.' She then asked, 'Are you that afraid of some one evil coming into your house?'  My reply was, 'No, not at all.  I am not afraid of the house catching afire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and THEY ARE ALL LOADED.'
     
    author unknown...
    December 15

    SIX YEAR OLD INSIGHT----I DON'T ALWAYS BELIEVE IT.

    A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class.  She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.  These were actually done by first graders.  Their insight may surprise you.  While reading, keep that in mind. The last one is a classic!

    1.

    Don't change horses

    until they stop running.

    2.

    Strike while the

    bug is close.

    3.

    It's always darkest before

    Daylight Saving Time.

    4.

    Never underestimate the power of

    termites.

    5.

    You can lead a horse to water but

    How?

    6.

    Don't bite the hand that

    looks dirty.

    7.

    No news is

    impossible

    8.

    A miss is as good as a

    Mr.

    9.

    You can't teach an old dog new

    Math

    10.

    If you lie down with dogs, you'll

    stink in the morning.

    11.

    Love all, trust

    Me.

    12.

    The pen is mightier than the

    pigs.

    13.

    An idle mind is

    the best way to relax.

    14.

    Where there's smoke there's

    pollution.

    15.

    Happy the bride who

    gets all the presents.

    16.

    A penny saved is

    not much.

    17.

    Two's company, three's

    the Musketeers.

    18.

    Don't put off till tomorrow what

    you put on to go to bed.

    19.

    Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and

    You have to blow your nose.

    20.

    There are none so blind as

    Stevie Wonder.

    21.

    Children should be seen and not

    spanked or grounded.

    22.

    If at first you don't succeed

    get new batteries.

    23.

    You get out of something only what you


    See in the picture on the box

    24.

    When the blind lead the blind  

    get out of the way.

    25.

    A bird in the hand

    is going to poop on you.



                         And the WINNER!
     

    26.

    Better late than

    Pregnant

    December 13

    BARBIE --- JUST LOCAL GALS


    '
    Lubbock Barbie '
    Comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck, boob job, and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

    '
    Carlsbad Barbie'
    The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching Caveman Blue gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.


    '
    Hobbs Barbie'
    This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, and a Chevy low-rider with dark tinted windows. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) .....unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.


    '
    Amarillo Barbie '
    This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

     

    '
    Jal Barbie'
    This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

     

    '
    Eunice Barbie'
    This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Brentwood Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.


    '
    Santé Fe Barbie'
    This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow .. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Santa Fe Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

     

    '
    Hobbs, (Again)Barbie'
    This Barbie now comes with a stroller and two infant dolls. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

     

    'Albuquerque, Barbie/Ken'
    This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.
      
     
    December 12

    VERY INTERESTING STUFF OH!!! WELL!!!

    VERY INTERESTING STUFF

    In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

    -------------------------------------------

    Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

    -------------------------------------- -----

    The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

    -------------------------------------------

    Every day more money is printed for Monopo ly than the U.S. Treasury.

    -------------------------------------------

    Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

    -------------------------------------------

    Coca-Cola was originally green.

    -------------------------------------------

    It is impossible to lick your elbow.

    -------------------------------------------

    The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
    Alaska
    -------------------------------------------

    The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

    -------------------------------------------

    The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
    61,000
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

    Spades - King David; Hearts - Charlemagne; Clubs -Alexander the Great and Diamonds - Julius Caesar
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

    A. Their birthplace
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

    A. Obsession
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?

    A. One thousand
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

    A. All were invented by women.


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

    A. Honey
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

    A. Father's Day
    ------------------------------------------------------------


    In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
    When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Me ad is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."

    It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whis tle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

    ---- --------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...

    1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

    2. Yo u haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

    3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

    4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

    5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

    6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

    7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

    8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

    10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

    11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

    12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

    13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

    14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

    15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
    NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.
    December 11

    TUESDAY'S FUNNIES---POLITICS AND MARRIAGE---

    The definition of insanity is...
     
     
     
    Bush and Cheney commandeered a small Airforce plane to fly them to Canada to
    hunt moose. They bagged six.
     
    As their aides loaded the plane for the return trip home, the pilot told
    them the plane could take only three moose.  Cheney objected strongly,
    stating; "Last year we shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on
    board, and he had the same size plane as yours."
     
    Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
     
    Unfortunately, even on full power, the plane couldn't handle the load and
    went down a few minutes after takeoff.  Climbing out of the wreck,  Bush
    asked Cheney, "Any idea where we are?"
     
    Cheney replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
     

     It's funny...
     
    I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be
     why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette
     
    When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep
    her. - Sacha Guitry
    After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't
    face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi
     
    By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
     bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
     
    Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
     Dumas
     
    The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is,
     'What does a woman want?' - Sigmund Freud
     
    I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
    Anonymous
     
    'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go
     to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft
     music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.' - Henny Youngman
     
    'I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.'
     Sam Kinison
     
    There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
     banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran
     
    'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second
     one didn't.' - Patrick Murray
     
    Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
     1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
     2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
     Nash
     
    The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
     once... - Anonymous
     
    You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
     Henny Youngman
     
    My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. 
    Rodney Dangerfield
     
    A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
     Milton Berle
     
    Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. - Anonymous
     
    A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he
     received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have
     mine.' - Anonymous

     First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
     Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
     
     
    December 10

    RETARDED GRANDPARENTS

    RETARDED GRANDPARENTS
        (this was actually reported by a teacher)
     
        After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their
    holiday away from school.  One child wrote the following:
     
         We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.
    They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and
    theymoved to Florida.  Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted
    green to look like grass.  They ride around on their bicycles and wear name
    tags because they don't know who they are anymore.
     
        They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got
    it fixed because it is all okay now, and do exercises there, but they don't
    do them very well.
     
         There is a swimming pool too, but in it, they all jump up and down
    with hats on.  At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man
    sitting in it.  He watches all day so nobody can escape.  Sometimes they
    sneak out.  They go cruising in their golf carts!
     
        Nobody there cooks, they just eat out.  And, they eat the same thing
    every night --- early birds.
     
         Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The
    ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.
     
        My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his
    retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.
     
         When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.
    Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.
     
         PRICELESS
     
     
    AUTHOR UNKNOWN.....
    December 09

    ISLAM'S SILENT MODERATES

    December 8, 2007

    Islam’s Silent Moderates

    Trenchant observations about Sharia law and the deafening silence of the Vast Majority of Moderates from Ayaan Hirsi Ali, in this New York Times editorial:

    The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication, flog each of them with 100 stripes: Let no compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day. (Koran 24:2)
    In the last few weeks, in three widely publicized episodes, we have seen Islamic justice enacted in ways that should make Muslim moderates rise up in horror.
    A 20-year-old woman from Qatif, Saudi Arabia, reported that she had been abducted by several men and repeatedly raped. But judges found the victim herself to be guilty. Her crime is called “mingling”: when she was abducted, she was in a car with a man not related to her by blood or marriage, and in Saudi Arabia, that is illegal. Last month, she was sentenced to six months in prison and 200 lashes with a bamboo cane.
    Two hundred lashes are enough to kill a strong man. Women usually receive no more than 30 lashes at a time, which means that for seven weeks the “girl from Qatif,” as she’s usually described in news articles, will dread her next session with Islamic justice. When she is released, her life will certainly never return to normal: already there have been reports that her brother has tried to kill her because her “crime” has tarnished her family’s honor.
    We also saw Islamic justice in action in Sudan, when a 54-year-old British teacher named Gillian Gibbons was sentenced to 15 days in jail before the government pardoned her this week; she could have faced 40 lashes. When she began a reading project with her class involving a teddy bear, Ms. Gibbons suggested the children choose a name for it. They chose Muhammad; she let them do it. This was deemed to be blasphemy.
    Then there’s Taslima Nasreen, the 45-year-old Bangladeshi writer who bravely defends women’s rights in the Muslim world. Forced to flee Bangladesh, she has been living in India. But Muslim groups there want her expelled, and one has offered 500,000 rupees for her head. In August she was assaulted by Muslim militants in Hyderabad, and in recent weeks she has had to leave Calcutta and then Rajasthan. Taslima Nasreen’s visa expires next year, and she fears she will not be allowed to live in India again.
    It is often said that Islam has been “hijacked” by a small extremist group of radical fundamentalists. The vast majority of Muslims are said to be moderates.
    But where are the moderates? Where are the Muslim voices raised over the terrible injustice of incidents like these? How many Muslims are willing to stand up and say, in the case of the girl from Qatif, that this manner of justice is appalling, brutal and bigoted — and that no matter who said it was the right thing to do, and how long ago it was said, this should no longer be done?
    [...]
    But while the incidents in Saudi Arabia, Sudan and India have done more to damage the image of Islamic justice than a dozen cartoons depicting the Prophet Muhammad, the organizations that lined up to protest the hideous Danish offense to Islam are quiet now.
    I wish there were more Islamic moderates. For example, I would welcome some guidance from that famous Muslim theologian of moderation, Tariq Ramadan. But when there is true suffering, real cruelty in the name of Islam, we hear, first, denial from all these organizations that are so concerned about Islam’s image. We hear that violence is not in the Koran, that Islam means peace, that this is a hijacking by extremists and a smear campaign and so on. But the evidence mounts up.
    Islamic justice is a proud institution, one to which more than a billion people subscribe, at least in theory, and in the heart of the Islamic world it is the law of the land. But take a look at the verse above: more compelling even than the order to flog adulterers is the command that the believer show no compassion. It is this order to choose Allah above his sense of conscience and compassion that imprisons the Muslim in a mindset that is archaic and extreme.
    If moderate Muslims believe there should be no compassion shown to the girl from Qatif, then what exactly makes them so moderate?
    When a “moderate” Muslim’s sense of compassion and conscience collides with matters prescribed by Allah, he should choose compassion. Unless that happens much more widely, a moderate Islam will remain wishful thinking.

    Posted by Marisol at December 8, 2007 12:00 AM

    December 08

    I BROKE THE LAW, SO NOW I AM SUING YOU...

    Muslim woman sues San Bernardino County -- for having to remove her hijab when she was arrested

    And of course the ACLU is right on the case. As Charles says, "Here’s a particularly egregious example of ACLU-radical Islamic collaboration." By Maeve Reston for the Los Angeles Times (thanks to LGF):

    A 29-year-old Muslim woman sued San Bernardino County and its sheriff Wednesday, alleging that deputies violated her rights by forcing her to remove the head scarf she wears because of her religious beliefs.

    The American Civil Liberties Union Foundation of Southern California filed the complaint on behalf of Jameelah Medina in U.S. District Court in Santa Ana -- accusing the county and the Sheriff's Department of breaching Medina's right to practice her religion as well as a 2000 federal law enhancing protections of prisoners' religious liberty. She was arrested in 2005 for carrying an invalid Metrolink pass.

    Cindy Beavers, a spokeswoman for the San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department, said she could not comment.

    "I can tell you that anybody who comes in wearing any type of head covering -- they would have to remove it at the time of booking and that would be for security purposes," Beavers said.