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    November 30

    THE HUMAN RACE FAMILY


     

    A little girl asked her father: 'How did the human
    race appear?'
     

    The father answered, 'God made Adam and Eve;
    they had children; and so was all mankind made.'
     

    Two days later the girl asked her mother the same
    question.
     

    The mother answered, 'Many years ago
    there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
     

    The confused girl returned to her father and said,
    'Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human Race was created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?'
     
     

    The father answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple.
    I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers.' 
     
    November 29

    SUMMARY OF LIFE

    Summary of Life



    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:




    1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.




    2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.




    3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.




    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.




    5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.




    6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.




    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.




    8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.




    9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.




    10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.














    GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:




    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.




    2) Wrinkles don't hurt.




    3) Families are like fudge..mostly sweet, with a few nuts.




    4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.




    5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.




    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.









    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD




    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.




    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.




    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.




    4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.




    5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.




    6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.




    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.









    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:




    1) You believe in Santa Claus.




    2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.




    3) You are Santa Claus.




    4) You look like Santa Claus.









    SUCCESS:




    At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.




    At age 12 success is . . . having friends.




    At age 17 success is . having a drivers license.




    At age 35 success is . . having money.




    At age 50 success is . . having money.




    At age 70 success is . .. ... having a drivers license.




    At age 75 success is . . having friends.




    At age 80 success is . . not piddling in your pants.
    November 28

    FROM NOW TILL CHRISTMAS------

    To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity   
      
      
    1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer at Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

     

    2.   Page Yourself Over The Intercom.   Don't DisguiseYour Voice. 

    3.   
    Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something,  ask If They Want Fries with that. 

    4. 
      Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks .  Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their  Caffeine Addictions,

    Switch to Espresso. 

    5. 
    In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana' 

    6. 
    Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 

    7. 
    Order a Diet Water whenev er you go out to eat, with a serious face. 

    8. 
    Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 

    9.   
    Sing Along At The Opera. 

    10.   
    Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 

    11.   
    When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' 

    12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the
    Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 

    13.   
    Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'  

    November 26

    SAY ---"HAPPY THANKSGIVING"

    The Parrot

    A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
    attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth
    was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.

    John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying
    only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of
    to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

    Finally, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled
    back. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
    John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird, and put him in
    the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

    Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
    minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to
    the freezer.

    The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I
    believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm
    sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend
    to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

    John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to
    ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the
    bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
     
     
     
     
     
     
    HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!
     

    INDIAN STUDENT

    Indian Student

    It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

    The teacher said,

    "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?" 

    She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

    'Very good!'

    Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'

    Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.

    The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows

    more about its history than you do.'

    She heard a loud whisper: 'F*ck the Indians,'

    'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.

    'General Custer, 1862.'

    At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

    The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'

    Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

    Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

    Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,

    1997!'

    Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

    Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him-

    2004.'

    The teacher fainted.

    And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' 

    And Chandrasekhar said quietlly, "I think it was the American people, November 4, 2008."

     ON THE LIGHTER SIDE,  I KNOW AND HAVE MET MANY INDIANS, AND THEY ARE SHARP AND PICKUP ON THINGS VERY QUICKLY....RALPH....LOL
    November 25

    FORREST GUMP EXPLAINS BANKING MESS

    Forrest Gump explains banking mess



    Finally, an explanation I can understand:


    This is the best explanation I've heard. Not sure what it says
    about me to have to have a Forrest Gump explanation to understand this mess.



    Mortgage Backed Securities are like boxes of chocolates. Criminals
    on Wall Street stole a few chocolates from the boxes and replaced them with
    turds. Their criminal buddies at Standard & Poor rated these boxes AAA
    Investment Grade chocolates. These boxes were then sold all over the world
    to investors. Eventually somebody bites into a turd and discovers the crime.
    Suddenly nobody trusts American chocolates anymore worldwide.

    Hank Paulson now wants the American taxpayers to buy up and hold all
    these boxes of turd-infested chocolates for $700 billion dollars until the
    market for turds returns to normal.

    Meanwhile, Hank's buddies, the Wall Street criminals who stole all
    the good chocolates are not being investigated, arrested or indicted.

    Mama always said: 'Sniff the chocolates first, Forrest'.


    Quote of the day from a fund manager:

    'This is worse than a divorce... I've lost half of my net worth and
    I still have my wife!!'


    The bailout, a different perspective:

    Back in 1990, the US Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in
    Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed
    and it closed. Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of
    nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling booze?
    November 24

    HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OF MY FRIENDS

    HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OF YOU
     
    THIS THURSDAY, A CELEBRATION OF THANKSGIVING IN OUR COUNTRY OCCURS.  A CHRISTIAN TRADITION THAT STARTED MANY YEARS BEFORE WE BECAME A COUNTRY. A DAY WE GIVE THANKS TO OUR LORD FOR GIVING US PLENTY TO EAT AND SHARE THE FOOD WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND RE-AQUINT WITH OLD FRIENDS.
     
    FEED A STRANGER WHO IS HUNGRY, GIVE THANKS FOR THE VETERANS BOTH ACTIVE AND INACTIVE.  TAKE IN A SERVICEMAN, WHO IS FAR AWAY AND INVITE HIM INTO YOUR HOME AND WELCOME HIM AS ONE OF YOU KIN.  YOU NEVER WILL KNOW IF HE BECOMES A FRIENDS FOREVER.  GIVE THANKS FOR THE BOUNTIFUL WE HAVE AND ARE ABLE TO SHARE.
     
    AS FOR ME, I GIVE THANKS FOR THE JOB, FRIENDS, MY FAMILY, AND GOD, THAT HAVE GIVEN ME SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT OVER THE LAST YEAR ON MY FIGHT WITH CANCER...SO FAR SO GOOD.
    THANK YOU ALL.....
     
    FROM THE BIG GUY RALPH
    November 23

    THE HOLY ABC'S BY CINDY BLACKAMORE

    The Holy Alphabet... This is Beautiful

    Whoever came up with this one must have had some Divine guidance!

    A lthough things are not perfect
    B ecause of trial or pain
    C ontinue in thanksgiving
    D o not begin to blame
    E ven when the times are hard
    F ierce winds are bound to blow
    G od is forever able
    old on to what you know
    I  magine life without His love
    J   oy would cease to be
    K eep thanking Him for all the things
    L ove imparts to thee
    M ove out of "Camp Complaining"
    N o weapon that is known
    O n earth can yield the power
    P raise can do alone
    Quit looking at the future
    R edeem the time at hand
    S tart every day with worship
    T o "thank" is a command
    U ntil we see Him coming
    V ictorious in the sky
    W e'll run the race with gratitude
    X alting God most high
    Y es, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
    Z ion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!

    Poem by Cindy Blackamore

    "I AM Too blessed to be stressed!" The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor.

    The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything. Love and peace be with you forever, Amen.

    November 22

    GIFT CARD WARNING

    Something to check
     

     

    Not sure if this is all true - but in this economy I don't doubt it. So just be aware.

    Interesting…

    I wanted to give everyone a heads up that if you tend to give gift cards around the holidays, you need to be careful that the Gift Cards will be honored after the holidays. Stores that are planning to close after Christmas are still selling the cards through the holidays even though the cards will be worthless January 1. There is no law preventing them from doing this. On the contrary, it is referred to as 'Bankrupcy Planning). Below is a partial list of stores that you need to be cautious about.

    Circuit City (filed Chapter 11)
    Ann Taylor- 117 stores nationwide closing
    Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug ,and Catherine's to close 150 stores nationwide
    Eddie Bauer to close stores 27 stores and more after January
    Cache will close all stores
    Talbots closing down specialty stores
    J. Jill closing all stores (owned by Talbots)
    Pacific Sunwear (also owned by Talbots)
    GAP closing 85 stores
    Footlocker closing 140 stores mo re to close after Janu ary
    Wickes Furniture closing down
    Levitz closing down remaining stores
    Bombay closing remaining stores
    Zales closing down 82 stores and 105 after January
    Whitehall closing all stores
    Piercing Pagoda closing all stores
    Disney closing 98 stores and will close more after January.
    Home Depot closing 15 stores 1 in NJ ( New Brunswick )
    Macys to close 9 stores after January
    Linens and Things closing all stores
    Movie Galley Closing all stores
    Pep Boys Closing 33 stores
    Sprint/Nextel closing 133 stores
    JC Penney closing a number of stores after January
    Ethan Allen closing down 12 stores.
    Wilson Leather closing down all stores
    Sharper Image closing down all stores
    K B Toys closing 356 stores
    Loews to close down some stores
    Dillard's to close some stores

    November 21

    POPCORN TURKEY.....!!!!! LOL

    > Gotta try this recipe!!!!



    > Turkey Recipe
    >
    > Here is a recipe that also includes the use of popcorn
    > as a stuffing  -imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it
    > was
    > perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when
    > poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out.
    >
    >
    >
    > 10-15 lb. Turkey
    >
    > 1-cup melted butter
    > 1-cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is best)
    > 1-cup uncooked popcorn
    > (ORVILLE REDENBACHERS LOW FAT)
    >
    >
    >
    > Lightly salt and pepper to taste Preheat oven to 350
    > degrees. Brush turkey well with melted butter, then salt and pepper.
    > Fill the cavity with the stuffing and popcorn.
    >
    >
    >
    > Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of
    > the oven.
    >
    > Listen for the popping sounds.
    >
    >
    >
    > When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the
    > chicken flies across the room, it's done.
    November 20

    DID YOU KNOW???? JUST SOME HINTS....

     DID YOU KNOW?
       

     

     

    Peel a banana from the bottom and you won't have to
      
    pick the little 'stringy things' off of it. That's how the primates do it.
      

      
    Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store.
      
    If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.
      

      
    Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil.
      
    It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!
       

     
      
    Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating.
      
    Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.
       

     
      
    Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef
      
    It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.
      
    To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of
      
    spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up.
      
    Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste
      
    of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic.
       

     
      
    Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert. Simply
      
    chop them up with the food chopper. Peel, core and slice a few apples. Place them
      
    in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples. Bake at 350
      
    for 15 minutes!!!  Serve alone or with vanilla ice cream. Yummm!
       

     
      
    Reheat Pizza
      
    Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low
      
    and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on

      
    the cooking channel and it really works.
      
    Easy Deviled Eggs

      
                                   Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.
      

      
    Expanding Frosting
      
    When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer
      
    for a few minutes You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes
      
    with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.
      
    Reheating refrigerated bread

      
    To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in
      
    a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food
      
    moist and help it reheat faster.
      
    Newspaper weeds away
      
    Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers,
      
    put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and for-

      
    get about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not
      
    get through wet newspapers.
      

       

     
      
    Broken Glass

      
    Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.
      

      
    No More Mosquitoes
      
    Place a dryer sheet in your pocket.
      
    It will keep the mosquitoes away.
      

      
    Squirrel Away!

       
                                                                  To keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper.

     
      
    The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.
       

     
      
    Flexible vacuum
      
    To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel
      
    roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.
      
    Reducing Static Cling
      
    Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt
      
    or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose.
      
    Place pin in seam of slacks and ... ta da! ..... static is gone.
      
    Measuring Cups
      
    Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water.
      
    Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such
      
    as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.
       

     
      
    Foggy Windshield?

      
    Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of
      
    your car . When the window s fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!
      
                                                                                                                Reopening envelope
      
    If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just
      
    place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals
    easily.
      

      
    Conditioner

      
    Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream and
      
    leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you
      
    bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair.

      

       

     
      
    Goodbye Fruit Flies
      
    To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2' with Apple Cider Vinegar
      
    and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the
      
    cup and gone forever!
      

       

     
      
    Get Rid of Ants

      
    Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it 'home,' can't
      
    digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works

      
    and you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!
      

       

     
      
    INFO ABOUT CLOTHES DRYERS
      
    The heating unit went out on my dryer! The gentleman that fixes things around the
      
    house for us told us that he wanted to show us something and he went over to the
      
    dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. (I always clean the lint from the fil-

      
    ter after every load clothes.) He told us that he wanted to show us something; he
      
    took the filter over to the sink and ran hot water over it. The lint filter is made of a

      
    mesh material ... I'm sure you know what your dryer's lint filter looks like. Well ...
      
    the hot water just sat on top of the mesh! It didn't go through it at all! He told us
      
    that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh that's what burns out the heating unit.

      
    You can't SEE the film, but it's there. It's what is in the dryer sheets to make your
      
    clothes soft and static free ... that nice fragrance too. You know how they can feel
      
    waxy when you take them out of the box .. well this stuff builds up on your clothes
      
    and on your lint screen. This is also what causes dryer units to potentially burn your

      
    house down with it! He said the best way to keep your dryer working for a very long

      
    time (and to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out and wash it with
      
    hot soapy water and an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months.
      
    He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long! How about that!?!
      
    Learn something new everyday! I certainly didn't know dryer sheets would do that.

      
    So, I thought I'd share!
       

     
      
    Note: I went to my dryer and tested my screen by running water on it. The water ran
      
    through a little bit but mostly collected all the water in the mesh screen. I washed it
      
    with warm soapy water and a nylon brush and I had it done in 30 seconds. Then when
      
    I rinsed it .. the water ran right thru the screen! There wasn't any puddling at all!

      
    That repairman knew what he was talking about!

    November 19

    LEFTOVERS ON THANKSGIVING......

    ·                         Salmonella won't be a concern

    ·                         No one will overeat.

    ·                         Everyone will think it's Cajun Blackened.

    ·                         Uninvited guests will think twice next year.

    ·                         Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newly found appreciation.

    ·                         Pets won't pester you for scraps.

    ·                         The smoke alarm was due for a test.

    ·                         Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.

    ·                         After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football.

    ·                         The less turkey Uncle George eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.

    ·                         You'll get to the desserts quicker.You won't have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches.

    November 18

    MAKES ME WONDER?????

    The following is a funny and true story shared by KC Williams who teaches AP Government at Santa Fe High School.



    In one of KC's classes, they were discussing the qualifications to be president of the United States ..



    They are pretty simple:



    The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years of age.



    One girl in the class immediately started complaining about how unfair the requirement to be a natural born citizen was.



    In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.



    KC and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating.  "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by c-section?"



    Southern Belles ring louder...
    November 17

    KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS

    Kids Say the Funniest Things


     
        While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, 'I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.' 

     

     


     
      
     
     
    As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. 
      
    After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.' 
     

     



     
     
    Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. 
     
    'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now.' 
     
    Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.' 

     


     


      
    Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. 
     
    One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she screamed. 

    'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's not polite behavior.' 
     
    With that, the girl yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank you! 

     

     


      


       
    On a brutally humid day, I walked past a miniature golf course and saw a dad following three small children from hole to hole. 'Who's winning?' I shouted. 
      
    'I am,' said one kid. 'Me,' said another. 
     
    'No, me,' yelled the third. 

    Sweat dripping down his face, the dad gasped, 'Their mother is.' 

     


     


    On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. 
       
    'Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' he asked innocently. 
     
    After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. 'You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer.' 
     

     


     

     

    Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. 

    'I'm going to be away for a long time,' I told him. 'I'm going to Iraq .' 
      
    'Why?' he asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going on over there?' 

     


     


     


     
    Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS and blood diseases. 
      
    One afternoon he and his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know that Newman was a famous movie star, explained, "That's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?"
     
    Blank stares. 
       
    "Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton." 
     
     An eight-year-old girl perked up. "How long was he missing?"
    November 16

    WHY GOD IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT IN OUR LIVES

    SCIENTIFIC ADVANCEMENT

     
     God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to Him, "Lord, we
    don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life
    out of nothing. In other words, we can now do what you did in the
    'beginning'."
    
    "Oh, is that so? Tell me..." replies God.
    
    "Well", says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it
    into the likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man."
    
    "Well, that's interesting. Show Me. "
    
    So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil.
    
    "Oh no, no, no..." interrupts God,
     
    "Get your own dirt."
    
    November 14

    FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN

    The day finally arrives. 

     

    Forrest Gump dies and

    goes to Heaven. 

    He is at
     the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.

    However, the gates are closed,

     

    and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

     

     

     


    St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest,

     

     

    it is certainly good to see you because we have heard a lot about you. I must

    tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering

    an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it

    before you can get into Heaven.'


    Forrest responds, 'It sure is

    good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.
    Life was a big enough

    test as it was.'


    St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I

    know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

    First:

    What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

    Second:

    How many seconds are there in a year?

    Third:

    What is God's first name?'


    Forrest leaves to think the questions
    over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and

    says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.'


    Forrest replied, 'Well, the

    first one -- which two days in the week begins

    with the letter 'T'?

    Shucks, that one is easy.

    That would be

    Today and Tomorrow.'


    The Saint's eyes opened wide and
    he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit

    for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.


    'How many seconds in a year?

    Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about

    that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'


    Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve?
       Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds

    in a year?'


    Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's
    got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '


    'Hold it,' interrupts St.

    Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give

    you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.

    Can you tell me God's first name'?


    'Sure,' Forrest replied,

    'it's Andy.'


    'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated

    and frustrated St Peter.


    'Ok, I can understand how you

    came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the

    world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'


    'Shucks, that was the easiest

    one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song,

    'ANDY

    WALKS WITH ME,

     ANDY TALKS WITH ME, 

    ANDY TELLS ME I AM

    HIS OWN.'


    St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,

    and said:
    'RUN Forrest, RUN!'




    Give me a sense of humor, Lord.

    To get some humor out of life,  And to pass it on to others. 

    November 13

    "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."

    A Question Finally Answered
    ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE  APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL
    ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON  THE MOON.
     
    HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE  MOON,  'THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR
    MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR  MANKIND,' WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY
    MILLIONS.
     
    BUT JUST  BEFORE HE REENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK
    'GOOD LUCK,  MR. GORSKY.'
     
    MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK  CONCERNING SOME RIVAL
    SOVIET COSMONAUT.
     
    HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR
    AMERICAN SPACE  PROGRAMS.
     
    OVER THE YEARS MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD
    LUCK, MR. GORSKY... STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.
     
    ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING  QUESTIONS
    FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD  QUESTION TO
    ARMSTRONG. THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED.
     
    MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD ANSWER THE
    QUESTION.
     
    IN  1938 WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WEST TOWN, [Wapak,Ohio] HE WAS PLAYING
    BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACK YARD.
     
    HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL,WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THE
    BEDROOM WINDOWS.
     
    HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.
     
    AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG  HEARD MRS.
    GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY.
     
    SEX!  YOU WANT SEX?  YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON
    THE  MOON.
     
    TRUE STORY.
    November 11

    YOU ARE ALL MY FRIENDS!

    A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.
     
    We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.
     
    The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in 'Mom let's run through the rain,' she said.
    'What?' Mom asked.
     
    'Lets run through the rain!' She repeated
     
    'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied.
     
    This young child waited about another minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain.'
     
    'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said.
     
    'No, we won't, Mom. That's  not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.
     
    This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?
     
    'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'
     
    The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain.. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.
     
    Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in  a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.
     
    'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing,' Mom said.
     
    Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.
     
    And yes, I did. I ran.. I got wet. I needed washing.
     
    Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.
    I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME  TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.
     
    They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Send this to the people you'll never forget and remember to also send it to the person who sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them.
     
    If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry.
     
    Take the time to live!!!
     

    Keep in touch with your friends, you never know when you'll need each other -- and don't forget to run in the rain!
    November 10

    63 YEARS AFTER NAVAL TRAGEDY, BURIAL AT SEA

    http://www.washingt onpost.com/ wp-
    dyn/content/ article/2008/ 11/04/AR20081104 03573.html

    63 Years After Naval Tragedy, A Burial at Sea
    Ashes of Survivor Scattered in Pacific

    By Eric Talmadge
    Associated Press
    Wednesday, November 5, 2008; A16

    YOKOSUKA, Japan -- When the submarine USS Ohio surfaced at sea and
    Machinist Mate 1st Class Jason Witty emerged from the hatch to look
    around, he saw calm, blue water under a peaceful sky -- perfect for
    the solemn task he was about to perform.

    On the map, the Ohio was afloat in just another indistinguishable
    expanse of the Pacific Ocean. As Witty stood on deck holding a
    silver pitcher, the vessel was alone.

    Just like the ill-fated USS Indianapolis, 63 years earlier.

    The pitcher contained the ashes of Witty's grandfather, Boatswain
    Mate 2nd Class Eugene Morgan, who had survived the sinking of the
    Indianapolis -- one of the worst tragedies for the U.S. Navy in
    World War II.

    Morgan had died of a heart attack in June at age 87, just before
    Witty went to sea, and among his last wishes was to be rejoined with
    his shipmates at roughly the same spot in the Pacific where the
    Indianapolis went down.

    Witty, sitting in a wardroom of the Ohio at this Japanese port,
    recounted the Oct. 2 burial at sea, saying he had never participated
    in one before.

    He had sheepishly asked one of the officers whether his
    grandfather' s wish could be granted. The request went up the chain
    of command to Capt. Dennis Carpenter, who quickly approved.

    "I thought it would be an honor," Carpenter said. "And I wanted to
    make sure that we did it right. Sometimes on a submarine at sea, you
    just can't go topside. But everything seemed to be on our side."

    In July 1945, the Indianapolis had just completed a secret mission
    to the tiny island of Tinian, carrying components for a new weapon --
    the atomic bomb. It would later be dropped on Hiroshima, Japan, in
    the world's first nuclear attack.

    Because of its cargo, the Indianapolis had sailed to Tinian
    unescorted. With that mission done, the cruiser was making its way
    back to Leyte, in the Philippines, with a crew of 1,196, including
    Morgan. Early on July 30, when the ship was still near the Mariana
    Islands, a Japanese I-58 submarine found the Indianapolis and
    launched six torpedoes, two ripping through its starboard side.

    It took 12 minutes for the Indianapolis to sink in the deadliest
    disaster at sea in U.S. naval history.

    Morgan was asleep when the ship exploded into chaos.

    "He was in his skivvies," Witty said. "He was tossed from his rack.
    There were fires. He got topside, and the boat started to capsize."

    Morgan jumped off the port side of the ship and slid down into the
    black sea.

    "At some point, he found some food floating on the surface and swam
    toward it," Witty said. "But on the way, he was attacked by a shark."

    It swam away before going in for the kill. For the rest of his life,
    Morgan carried scars on his back from the attack.

    Many of his shipmates weren't so fortunate. Morgan could hear their
    screams as they were attacked.

    By the time help arrived five days later, 879 sailors were dead --
    from drowning, shark attacks, dehydration or injuries. Morgan was
    one of 317 to survive, floating on makeshift rafts, wreckage or
    clinging to one another.

    The tragedy inspired the famous monologue in the movie "Jaws," in
    which the seasoned shark hunter played by Robert Shaw tells of the
    horrors of floating in the shark-infested waters while awaiting
    rescue.

    Morgan was eventually saved when Navy seaplanes landed in the water
    and started to pluck out survivors. Some were hallucinating -- they
    thought they were under attack by the Japanese again -- and others
    were hysterical. Ships also arrived to assist in the rescue.

    One more U.S. ship would be sunk before Japan's surrender in August
    1945.

    The Indianapolis has never been found.

    Morgan, a Seattle firefighter after the war, kept the experience to
    himself for more than four decades.

    Witty, of Puyallup, Wash., joined the Navy right out of high school.
    Two years later, his grandfather opened up.

    "I knew that he was in the war, in the Navy, but he never really
    talked about it until after my grandmother died," Witty said. "One
    day I just got up the courage, and he told me the story."

    Once the door was open, Morgan began talking about the tragedy every
    chance he got. He frequently visited local schools and historical
    groups and took part in documentaries to ensure that the story of
    the Indianapolis would not be forgotten.

    "I was worried that he would have bad feelings for me, being a
    submariner," Witty said. "It was a sub that sank his ship. But he
    never held that against me."

    Morgan's burial at sea was simple but somber.

    Scripture was read, along with a eulogy written by another of
    Morgan's grandsons, Steven Wilson. The order was given for the
    firing detail to ready their rifles, and three shots rang out.

    Turning to face the sea, Witty held the silver pitcher wrapped in a
    blue cloth over the side of the deck and spread the ashes to the
    wind.

    "Just going to that spot on the chart, what went through my mind was
    what they must have gone through," Witty recalled. "They knew they
    were by themselves."
    November 09

    60'S MUSIC--THE NEW LYRICS

     

    Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.  


     

    They include: 

    Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely  Walker  


     


     

    Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends 


     


     

    The Bee Gees --- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip. 


     


     

    Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash. 


     


     

    Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face. 


     


     

    Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now.  


     

    Paul Simon---   Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver


     

    The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.  


     


     

    Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts. 


     


     

    Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair. 


     


     

    Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.  


     


     

    The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.  


     

    Abba--- Denture Queen.   


     


     

    Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.  


     


     

    Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore. 


     

    Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.  


     


     

    And my favorite: 

    Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again