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10月31日

Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh:

Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh:

His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes------------------------------- Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----------------------------- U Gogh
His magician uncle -------------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin ---------------------------------------- A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ------------ Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach --------------- Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ------------------------------------- Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt -------------------------------- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle -------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin -------------------------------------- Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------ Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew ----------------------------------- Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco -------------------------------------- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh

I saw you smiling . . . there ya Gogh!

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10月29日

A PRESENT NEVER USED

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:

'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.'

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion.

Well, I guess this is it.

He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died.

He turned to me and said:

'Never save something for a special occasion.

Every day in your life is a special occasion'.

I still think those words changed my life.

Now I read more and clean less.

I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.

I spend more time with my family, and less at work.

I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through.

I no longer keep anything.

I use crystal glasses every day...

I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it.

I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to.

The words 'Someday...' and ' One Day...' are fading away from my dictionary.
;
If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now...

I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell.

I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels.

I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favourite food.

It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come..

Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.

Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.

If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about.

If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it 'One of these days' , remember that 'One day' is far away... or might never come...

No matter if you're superstitious or not, spend some time reading it.
It holds useful messages for the soul.

THIS COMES IN THE FORM OF AN EMAIL BUT IT MAKES YOU THINK OF HOW PRECIOUS LIFE IS...RJ

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10月28日

Born 1776 - Died 2008

Born 1776 - Died 2008

A sad obituary!

Born July 4, 1776, Died November 4, 2008

  It does not hurt to read this several times.



Professor Joseph Olson of Hamline

University School of Law,

St. Paul , Minnesota ,

points out some interesting facts concerning

the last Presidential election:

Number of States won by:

Democrats:              19

Republicans:              29

Square miles of land won by:

Democrats:          80,000

Republicans:     2,427,000

Population of counties won by:

   Democrats:       127 million

   Republicans:     143 million

   Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by:

Democrats:            13.2

Republicans:            2.1



Professor Olson adds:

"In aggregate,

the map of the territory Republican's won,

was mostly the land owned by

the taxpaying citizens of the country.

    Democrat territory mostly encompassed those citizens

living in government-owned tenements

and living off various forms of

government welfare..."

Olson believes

the United States is now somewhere between the

"complacency and apathy" phase of

Professor Tyler's definition of democracy,

with some forty  percent of the nation's population

already having reached the

"governmental dependency" phase.

If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship

to twenty million criminal invaders called illegals

and they vote,

then we can say goodbye to the USA

in fewer than five years.

If you are in favor of this,

then by all means,

delete this message.

If you are not,

then pass this along to help everyone realize

just how much is at stake,

knowing that

apathy is the greatest danger to our freedom.

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10月26日

HOW IT ALL BEGAN

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.

She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading.

And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to horse flesh.

And before long, there were many others and they were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed he did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And as Abraham looked out over the the Bay of Ezekiel (or as it came to be known, "eBay"), he said, "We need a name that reflects who we are, and Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO!", said Abraham.

And that is how it all began. It wasn't Al Gore after all.

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10月25日

Catching Wild Pigs

I THOUGHT THIS WAS WORTH SENDING ON....... NO MATTER WHAT SIDE OF THE POLITICAL FENCE YOU ARE ON.

There was a Chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the Professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back, and stretching as if his back hurt.

The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a communist government.

In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, 'Do you know how to catch wild pigs?'

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said this was no joke.

'You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence.. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs that are used to the free corn start to come through the gate to eat, and then you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd.

Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening to America . The government keeps pushing us toward socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc, etc, etc. While we continue to lose our freedoms - just a little at a time.

One should always remember: There is no such thing as a free Lunch! Also, a politician will never provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.

So, if you see that all of this wonderful government 'help' is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America , you might want to send this on to your friends. If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life then you will probably delete this email, but God help you when the gate slams shut!

In this 'very important' election year, listen closely to what the candidates are promising you - just maybe, you will be able to tell who is about to slam the gate on America.

"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have."
Thomas Jefferson

************
dg

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10月22日

CONFESSION

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months..
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

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10月20日

Am I Mental?

Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go.

Darryl was called into the doctor s office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said "Yes" and the doctor proceeded. "Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"

Darryl said, "I'd be half blind."

"That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?"

"I d be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook Darryl s hand, and told him he was free to go.

On Darryl's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Darryl mentioned the exam to Harold, who was seated in the waiting room. He told him whatquestions were going to be asked and gave him the answers.

So Harold went into the doctor's office when he was called. The doctor went thru the formalities and then asked, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?" Remembering what Darryl had told him, he answered, "I'd be half blind."

The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. "What if I cut off the other ear?"

"I'd be completely blind," Harold answered."

"Harold, can you explain how you'd be blind?"

"My hat would fall down over my eyes."

JUST GOES TO PROOF, DOCTORS ARE NOT THAT SMART..

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Texas Chili and the Yankee

Don't laugh...go ahead...I dare ya!

If you can read the whole story without tears of laugher running

down your cheeks then there's no hope for you. NOTE: Please take time to read

this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction

of the third is even better.

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this

is. They actually have a Chili cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to

town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The

notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting

Texas from the East Coast:

"Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili

cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to

be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the

Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges

(Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides,

they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild

Judge # 3 -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could

remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames

out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!!

Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken

seriously

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure

what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who

wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when

they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more

beans.

Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose

feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get

me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my

backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of

the beer.

Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for

fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was

unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out tastebuds? Sally, the barmaid,

was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. bitch is

starting to look HOT-just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an

aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,

adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must

admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead

and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me

needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her

chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by

pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my

lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop

screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance

of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and

garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with

gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it

will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except

that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips

anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned

peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can

of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am

worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is

cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and

I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world

sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili

which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like shit

to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what

killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not

getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the

4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili #8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not

too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither

mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed

out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if

he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really

hot chili???????

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10月14日

WD-40 ALL IN ONE WHATEVER....

For you fisherman check out #39.

A lady got up very early one morning and went outside to pickup the Sunday paper, she noticed someone had sprayed red paint all around the sides of the neighbors brand new beige truck. She went over and woke him up and gave him the bad news. He was, of course extremely upset.

They stood there trying to figure out what could be done about the problem. They decided there wasn't much recourse but to wait until Monday, since nothing was open. Just then another neighbour came out of his house, surveyed the situation and immediately went to get his WD - 40 and cleaned the red paint off with it. Guess What! It cleaned up that paint without harming the original paint on the truck! I'm impressed!!

Water Displacement #40. The product began from a search for A rust preventative solvent and de greaser to protect Missile parts. WD - 40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a 'water displacement' compound. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD - 40. The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.

Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD - 40 that would hurt you...' IT IS MADE FROM FISH OIL' . When you read the 'shower door' part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It is a miracle! Then try it on your stovetop... It is now shinier than it has ever been before.

1) Protects silver from tarnishing.
2) Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3) Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4) Gives floors that `just - waxed` sheen without making it slippery.
5) Keeps flies off cows.
6) Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7) Removes lipstick stains.
8) Loosens stubborn zippers.
9) Untangles jewellery chains.
10) Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11) Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12) Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13) Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14) Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15) Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16) Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17) Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes
18) It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19) Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car. Removed quickly, with WD - 40!
20) Gives a children's play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21) Lubricates gear shift on lawn mowers.
22) Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
23) Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24) Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25) Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, well as vinyl bumpers.
26) Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
27 ) Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28) Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling g.
29) Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30) Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31) Removes splattered grease on stove.
32) Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33) Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34) Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35) Removes all traces of duct tape.
36) Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain
37) Florida 's favourite use 'Cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.'
38) Protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39) WD - 40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time.
40) Ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41) WD - 40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
42) If you've washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD - 40 and Presto! Lipstick is gone!
43) If you spray WD - 40 on the distributor cap, it will displace the moisture and allow the car to start.

Keep a can of WD - 40 in your kitchen cabinet. It is good for oven burns or any other type of burn. It takes the burned feeling away and heals with NO scarring.

Remember, the basic ingredient is FISH OIL

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10月13日

Pretzel Hold

 
A Russian and a Swedish wrestler (just happened to be named Olly) were set20to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final match, the Swedish wrestling coach came to Olly and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has". Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished'. Olly nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, Olly and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing Olly and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the coach buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the coach raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and Olly collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The crowd went crazy. The coach was astounded.

When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"

Olly answered, "Vell, I vas ready to give up ven he got me in dat hold, but at da last moment, I opened my eyes and saw dis pair of testicles right in front of my face...I had nuttin' to lose so wid my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit dose babies just as hard as I could."

So the trainer exclaimed, "That's what finished him off!"

"Vel not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get ven you bite your own nuts !

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10月12日

THE GUNFIGHTER...

THE GUNFIGHTER...

THE GUNFIGHTER

A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West.

The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. 'Do you think you could give me some tips?' he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high, tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man. 'Sure will, 'replied the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. 'That's terrific!' said the hot shot. 'Got any more tips for me?'

'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it, that'll give you a smoother draw'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the younger man. 'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player. 'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?'

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.' The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. 'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.

'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much.

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10月10日

WALKING ON HOLY GROUND....THE LAND OF ENCHANTMENT

WALKING ON HOLY GROUND....THE LAND OF ENCHANTMENT

PHONES IN CHURCHES

A man in Topeka , Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco and started working east from there.

Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes.
He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign, which read "Calls: $10,000 a minute.."
Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to GOD.

The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle , Dallas , Los Angeles , Chicago ,   Milwaukee , and many cities and towns all around the United States , he found more phones, with the same sign, and the same answer from each pastor.

Finally, he arrived in NEW MEXICO , upon entering a church in LAS CRUCES , behold - he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 35 cents"

Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor, "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to GOD, but in the other churches the cost was $10,000   a minute. Your sign reads only 35 cents a call. Why?"

I love this part ...
The pastor, smiling broadly, replied, "Son, you're in   NEW MEXICO now ... You're in God's Country. It's a local call."

American by Birth - NEW MEXICAN by the Grace of God.

And why do NEW MEXICANS go barefoot: When you're in   NEW MEXICO you're on Holy ground!

BET A BUNCH OF TEXANS ARE THINKING ABOUT IT NOW....

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10月9日

Two traveling angels...

Two traveling angels...

Two traveling angels

Keep reading to the bottom of the page -- don't
stop at the feet (You'll see).

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night
in the home of a wealthy family.

The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's
guest room.

Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement.

As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in
the wall and repaired it.

When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied,

'Things aren't always what they seem.'

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but
very hospitable farmer and his wife.

After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep
in their bed where they could have a good night's rest.

When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and
his wife in tears.

Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the
field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you
have let this happen?

The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused.

The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and
you let the cow die.

'Things aren't always what they seem,' the older angel replied.

'When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I
noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall..

Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his
good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it.'

'Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death
came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead.

Things aren't always what they seem.'

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the
way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every
out come
is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until some time
later...
Oooo
Some people ( )
come into our lives ) /
and quickly go... (_/

oooO
( ) Some people
\ ( become friends
\_) and stay awhile....

leaving beautiful Oooo
footprints on our ( )
hearts... ) /
(_/

oooO
( ) and we are
\ ( never
\_) quite the same
because we have
made a good
friend!!

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's
called the present!

I think this is special...live and savor every moment... This is not a
dress rehearsal!

(\ /)
( \ __ / )
( \()/ )
( / \ ) TAKE THIS LITTLE ANGEL
( / \/ \ ) AND KEEP HER CLOSE TO YOU
/ \ SHE IS YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL
( ) SENT TO WATCH OVER YOU

THIS IS A SPECIAL GUARDIAN ANGEL.... YOU MUST
PASS THIS ON TO 5 PEOPLE WITHIN THE HOUR OF
RECEIVING HER, AFTER YOU DO MAKE A WISH....
IF YOU HAVE PASSED HER ON, YOUR WISH WILL
BE GRANTED AND SHE WILL WATCH OVER YOU FOREVER....
IF NOT, HER TEARS WILL FLOW AND NO WISHES
WILL BE GRANTED....

Now don't delete this message, because it comes from a very special
angel.

Right Now -

-somebody is thinking of you.
-somebody is caring about you.
-somebody misses you
-somebody wants to talk to you.
-somebody wants to be with you.
-somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.
-somebody is thankful for the support you have provided..
-somebody wants to hold your hand.
-somebody hopes
everything turns out all right.
-somebody wants you to be happy.
-somebody wants you to find him/her.
-somebody is celebrating your successes.
-somebody wants to give you a gift.
-somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.
-somebody loves you.
-somebody admires your strength.
-somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
-somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.

SOMEBODY NEEDS YOU TO SEND THIS TO THEM

Never take away anyone's hope. That may be all they have

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10月8日

A good example of why we should all be pro-gun .....

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the Navy Blue London Fog jacket that you demanded that I hand over,

shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives.

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment;

I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.

The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.

My girlfriend had just bought me that Colt Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday,

and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.

Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants.

I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me.

[That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

Then I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell.

I explained the entire episode of what you'd done.

Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card.

The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet.

[That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "Pimp Mobile" that was parked at the curb ...

after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.

Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now,

so what 's going on with that?

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI,

while mentioning President Obama, as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ....

But, I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime.

I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues,

and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider,

the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

P.S.

Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!

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10月6日

COMMUNITY ACTION

Dear Friend:

Drug and alcohol abuse and addiction have been with mankind for a long time, the Bible and other text speak about and the negative effects on society. Today a number of educated people declare the “war on drugs cannot be won”. This is illogical to me. One of the first criminal acts recorded in the bible is murder, we have had laws passed to make murder illegal since the Ten Commandments and before yet one only has to watch the news and see we have not “won the war on murder”. We don’t surrender and say well let’s just legalize it and tax it. Those who seduce other into drug and alcohol use and abuse are killing the item that makes that person unique, their sprit. The war on drugs, and associated crime, and is both a spiritual, and physical battle. In 2007 and estimated 23.2 million people needed treatment for substance abuse disorder in the US. Substance abuse has a detrimental effect on all aspects of society. Prevention, Intervention, Recovery positively affect individuals, families, and communities. Holistic approach is necessary, the need to change the environment in which it takes place. In an effort to do just that the faith action group of the Carlsbad Community anti-drug/gang coalition would like to encourage a public demonstration to make a community statement that drug, violence, and gang activity is not welcome in our community. This will be held Saturday October 17, 2009 at 7:00 p. m. on the south Eddy County Courthouse lawn. This is the start of national red ribbon week. We would also like to encourage each congregation to dedicate a time of prayer during this Red Ribbon week October 17 thru October 24 for prevention in our schools, treatment and recovery for those already addicted, for dealers to stop or get caught, and protection of our law enforcement officers and guidance for the criminal justice system. This is for each community, County, State, Country, and if those in other communities could make arrangement to do the same thing at the same time at a local gathering place that would be great. Let me know and I will help pass the word. Somehow I would like to see this go nationwide.

The faith action group needs people to participate.

Woods Houghton.

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10月5日

Catholic School

Catholic School.....

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors,
flash cards, special learning centers.
In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.

Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.

This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card.. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity... She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. 'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?'

Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'

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10月3日

GRIT (Girls Raised In Texas)

This is from Jan Grimmett and Tina Weber in Arlington, TX

GRIT (Girls Raised In Texas)

Someone once noted that a Texan can get away with the most awful kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words, "Bless her heart" or "Bless his heart." As in, "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a 6-lane highway."

I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was telling about her new transplanted northern friend who was upset because her toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a Texas accent. My friend, who is very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs of hers, was justifiably miffed about this. After all, this woman had CHOSEN to move to Texas a couple of years ago.

"Can you believe it?" said her friend, "A child of mine is going to be "taaaallllkkin liiiike thiiiissss."

Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the North, bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships, and their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten past their endless complaints that you can't find good bread down here. And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like cornbread!

I have a friend from Bawston, bless her heart, who thinks it's hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to the doctor or "cut off" the light. She also gets a giggle every time I am "fixin" to do something. And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where "over yonder" is, or what "I reckon" means!

My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart, she cain't help being ugly, but she could'uh stayed home."

Texas girls know bad manners when they see them:
1. Drinking straight out of a can.
2. Not sending thank you notes.
3. Velvet after February.
4. White shoes before Memorial Day or after Labor Day.

Texas girls always say:
1. "Yes Maam."
2. "Yessir."

Texas girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
1. "Yawl come back."
2. "Well, bless yer harrt."
3. "Drop by when ya can."
4. "How's yer mama?"
5. "Love yer hair."

Texas girls know their three R's:
1. Rich
2. Richer
3. Richest
Texas girls know everybody's first name:
1. Hunny
2. Darlin'
3. Shuger

Texas girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
1. "Gone With the Wind"
2. "Fried Green Tomatoes"
3. "Driving Miss Daisy"
4. "Steel Magnolias"

Texas girls know the three deadly sins:
1. Bad hair
2. Bad manners
3. Bad blind dates

G.R.I.T. = Girls Raised in Texas !

Now you run along, Shuger, and send this to ANY females aspiring to be GRITS--Even the northern ones, "Bless Their Hearts". and send it on to men who think Texas women are precious.

Just because you move to Texas does not make you a Texan. After all, if a cat had kittens and moved them to the oven, that wouldn't make them biscuits."

GOOD DAY

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