Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I ease my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully, get out of the car and open the trunk. I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic.
 
They look so life like you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.
 
To my surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my life like men. And,of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting their horns and waving like crazy.

It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind me. He gets out of his car and starts walking toward me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

'What's going on here?' 'My car has a flat tire', I said calmly. 'Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?' I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, 'Hellooooo, those are my emergency flashers!' 

 

 

*** Today's Tip: IS YOUR WORK ENOUGH EXERCISE
People with physically demanding jobs often think that exercise
recommendations don't apply to them. However, a study reported in the
Archives of Internal Medicine says otherwise. Those who engaged in 2
hours of leisure-time activity each week had a lower risk of heart
disease than those who did not exercise. Increased physical strain at
work did not offer protection from heart disease.

 A Craigslist posting someone found and linked. 
 
________________________________
 
 
To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah ) 
Reply to: pers-982078099@craigslist.org
mailto:pers-982078099@craigslist.org> [?]Date:2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST 
I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I
 hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.
 You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you
 somehow come across this message. 
I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I
 drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the
 jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You
 see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol
 for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that
 evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when
 pointed at your head, isn't it? 
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever
 you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm
 sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell
 phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your
 buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of
 calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and
 explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your
 card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van
 Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the
 wallet itself in a dumpster. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from
 your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which
 ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone
 for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that.
 I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to
 make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well. 
So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you
 did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to
 you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you
 out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants.
 What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to
 apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home
 humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in
 life. Next time you might not be so lucky. 
  If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.
 Peace! 
- Alex

THIS SURE SEEMS TO BE A LONG WEEK.  ITS HUMP DAY AND STILL SEEMS I GOT A WHOLE WEEK LEFT TO GET EVERYTHING DONE......MUST HAVE BEEN THE COLD SPELL THE LAST 2 DAYS.......IT WAS BACK IN THE HIGH 60'S AGAIN THIS AFTERNOON....I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND.....RALPH

Got this in an email this morning from a
> friend of mine:
>
>
>               This gives us something to think about with
> all our new electronic technology.
>
>               GPS
>               A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that
> someone she knew had their car broken into while they were
> at a football match. Their car was parked on the green which
> was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted
> to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a
> garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had
> been prominently mounted on the dashboard.
>               When the victims got home, they found that
> their house had been ransacked and just about everything
> worth anything had been stolen.The thieves had used the GPS
> to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote
> control to open the garage door and gain entry to the
>               house. The thieves knew the owners were at
> the football game, they knew what time the game was
> scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had
> to clean up the house. It would appear that they had brought
> a truck to empty the house of its contents.
>
>               MOBILE PHONE
>
>               I never thought of this.......
>               This lady has now changed her habit of how
> she lists her names on her mobile phone after her handbag
> was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone,
> credit card, wallet... Etc... Was stolen.20 minutes later
> when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what
> had happened, hubby says 'I received your text Asking
> about our Pin number and I've replied a little while
> ago.'
>               When they rushed down to the bank, the bank
> staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The
> thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text
> 'hubby' in the
>               contact list and got hold of the pin number.
> Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their
> bank account.
>
>               Moral of the lesson:
>               Do not disclose the relationship between you
> and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names like
> Home, Honey, Hubby,Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc.... And very
> importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through
> texts,CONFIRM by calling back. Also, when you're being
> texted by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure
> to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If
> you don't reach them, be very careful about going places
> to meet 'family and friends' who text you.
>
>               *PLEASE PASS THIS ON
>               * I never thought about THAT! As of now, I no
> longer have 'home' listed on my cell phone.

King Arthur and the Witch: Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble o f the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life. Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding. The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night? Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments? What would YOU do? What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY? * * * * * * * * * Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. Now....what is the moral to this story? Scroll down The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly

English easy?




THIS IS GREAT!!!
Read all the way to the end............... This took a lot of
work to put together!!!
You think English is easy???

Read to the end . . . a new twist

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant,
nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren't invented in England or French
fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its
paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce
and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural
of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2
indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you
have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do
you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum
for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run
and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill
in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That
is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ? Why doesn't Beard rhyme with
Heard?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this. There is a two-letter
word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that
is
'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the
list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting,
why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP
for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the
silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the
house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has
real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP
an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be
dressed UP is special.


And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped
UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the
dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the
page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you
might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a
lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred
or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun
comes out we say it is clearing UP...

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP,
so......it is time to shut UP!

Oh . .. . one more thing:

What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at
night? U-P

Be sure to look at all the pictures at the bottom:  WWII   Tank Found  after 62 Years.        WW  II Russian tank with German  markings uncovered after 62  years. WW  II Buffs will  find  this  interesting.  Even  after 62 years (and a little  tinkering), they were able to   fire  up the diesel   engine! A  Komatsu D375A-2 bulldozer pulled  the abandoned tank from  its tomb under the  boggy  bank of a lake  near Johvi , Estonia . The  Soviet-built T34/76A tank had been  resting    at  the  bottom of the lake for 56 years. According to its   specifications, it's a 27-ton machine  with a top speed of  53km/hr. From  February to September 1944, heavy  battles were fought in the  narrow, 50  km-wide, Narva front in the  northeastern part of   Estonia . Over  100,000 men  were  killed and 300,000  men were wounded there. During battles in  the summer of  1944,   the  tank was captured from the Soviet army  and used by the German  army. (This  is the reason that there  are German markings painted on the  tank's exterior.)  On  19th September, 1944,  German troops began an organized retreat  along the Narva  front.  It is suspected  that the tank was then purposefully driven  into the lake to  conceal it  when its captors left  the area. At  that time, a local boy walking by the  lake, Kurtna Matasjarv,  noticed tank tracks  leading  into the lake  but not coming out anywhere. For two months he  saw air bubbles  emerging  from the lake.  This gave him reason to believe that there must  be an armored  vehicle  at the lake's  bottom. A few years ago, he told the story to  the leader of the  local war  history club  'Otsing'. Together with other club members, Mr.  Igor Shedunov  initiated diving  expeditions to  the bottom of the lake about a year ago. At the  depth of 7  metres they  discovered the tank  resting under a 3 metre layer of   peat. Enthusiasts  from the club, under Mr  Shedunov's leadership, decided to pull  the tank out.  In  September of 2000  they turned to Mr. Aleksander  Borovkovthe, manager of the Narva    open  pit company AS  Eesti Polevkivi, to rent the company's  Komatsu D375A-2  bulldozer. (Currently  used at the pit, the  Komatsu dozer was manufactured in 1995,  and  has recorded  19,000  operating hours without major   repairs.) The  pulling operation began at 09:00 and  was concluded at 15:00,  with several technical  breaks. The weight of the  tank, combined with the travel  incline, made for a  pulling  operation that  required significant muscle. The D375A-2  handled the operation  with  power and style.  The weight of the fully-armed tank was around  30 tons, so  the  active force  required to retrieve it was similar. A main  requirement for the  68-ton dozer  was to have enough  weight to prevent slippage while moving up  the  hill. After  the tank surfaced, it turned out  to be a 'trophy tank' that  had been captured by  the  German army in the  course of the battle at Sinimaed (Blue  Hills) about six weeks  before  it was sunk in  the lake. Altogether, 116 shells were found on  board.  Remarkably, the  tank was in good condition, with  NO RUST, and alll systems  (except the engine) in  working  condition. This  is a very rare machine, especially considering  that it fought  both  on the Russian and  the German sides. Plans are underway to  fully restore the  tank.  It will be  displayed at a war history museum in the  Gorodenko village on  the left  bank of the River  Narv. Preparing  to pull it  out. People  from the nearby village come  to  watch. Komatsu  D375A-2 is ready  to go. Here  it  comes... Through  the muddy bank of the   lake In  mint  condition. Hosing  off 62 years worth of   'muck.' Incredibly,  after a few minor  repairs, they were able to start its  diesel engine.   Pretty   amazing...

Bubba Had Shingles
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this!  Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?  Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.  Bubba said: 'Shingles.'  So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.'  So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..'  So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.  Bubba said, 'Shingles.'  The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck.  Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

 SINCE ITS BEEN A FEW YEARS AGO IN THE LAND DOWN UNDER PASSED GUN CONTROL, I AM TRUELY WONDERING HOW ITS IS WORKING.  I GOT THIS AS AN EMAIL, BUT FROM MY FRIENDS DOWNUNDER, IS IT GOOD, BAD, OR INDIFFERENT.  IS THERE  A MOVEMENT TO RESTORE GUNS BACK TO BE ABLE TO OWN THEM.  I HOPE TO GET RESPONSES FROM SOME OF YOU.  TAKE CARE,  RALPH

 

 

A LITTLE GUN HISTORY 
  
In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953,    about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated. 
    ------------------------------ 
  
In 1911, Turkey established gun control. From 1915 to 1917, 1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated. 
    ------------------------------ 
   ;
Germany established gun control in 1938 and from 1939 to 1945, a total of 13 million Jews and others who were unable to defend themselves were rounded up and exterminated. 
    ------------------------------ 
  
China established gun control in 1935. From 1948 to 1952, 20 million political dissidents, unable to defend themselves, 
Were rounded up and exterminated 
    ------------------------------ 
  
Guatemala established gun control in 1964. From 1964 to 1981, 100,000     Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, 
Were rounded up and exterminated. 
    ---- ------------ - ------------- 
  
Uganda established gun control in 1970.  From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves, were 
Rounded up and exterminated. 
    ------------------------
  
Cambodia established gun control in 1956. From 1975 to 1977, one million educated' people, unable to defend 
Themselves, were rounded up and   exterminated. 
    ----------------------------- 
  
Defenseless people rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Century because of gun control: 56 million. 
    ------------------------------ 
  
It has now been 12 months since gun owners in Australia were forced by new law to surrender 640,381 personal firearms to be destroyed by their own government, a program costing Australia taxpayers more than $500 million dollars The first year results are now in: 
  
  List of 7 items:  
  
Australia-wide, homicides are up 3.2 percent 
  
Australia-wide, assaults are up 8.6 percent 
  
Australia-wide, armed robberies are up 44 percent (yes, 44 percent)! 
  
In the state of Victoria alone, homicides with firearms are now up 300 percent. Note that while the law-abiding citizens turned them in, the criminals did not, and criminals still possess their guns! 
  
While figures over the previous 25 years showed a steady decrease in armed robbery with firearms, this has changed drastically upward in the past 12 months, since criminals now are guaranteed that their prey is unarmed. 
  
There has also been a dramatic increase in break-ins and assaults of the ELDERLY. Australian politicians are at a loss to explain how public safety has decreased, after such monumental effort, and expense was expended in successfully 
Ridding Australian society of guns The Australian experience and the other historical facts above prove it. 
  
You won't see this datum on the US evening new s, or hear politicians disseminating this information. 
  
Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws adversely affect only the 
Law-abiding citizens. 
  
Take note my fellow Americans, before it's too late! 
  
The next time someone talks in favor of gun control, please remind them of this history lesson. 
  
With guns, we are 'citizens'. Without them, we are 'subjects'. 
  
During WWII the Japanese decided not to invade America because they knew most Americans were ARMED! 
  
If you value your freedom, Please spread this anti-gun control message to all of your friends. 
  
    
The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense. The sword is more importa nt than the shield, and skill is more important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental. 
  
As John Steinbeck once said: 
  
  1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll  just kill you. 
  
  2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck. 
  
  3. I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy. 
  
  4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away. 
  
  5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the  Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't make a 46.' 
  
  6. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity. 
  
  7. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. 'Sheriff,   I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought  my rifle.' 
  
  8. Beware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!! 
  
  But wait, there's more! 
  
I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house. I said I did. She said 'Well I certainly hope it isn't loaded!' 
To which I said, 'Of course it is loaded, can't work without bullets!' She then asked,  'Are you that afraid of someone evil 
coming into your house?' My reply was, 'No, not at all. I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I  have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too' To which I'll add, having a gun in the house that isn't loaded is like having a car in the garage without gas in the tank. 
  
I'm a firm believer of the 2nd Amendment! If you are too, please forward.

The Buzzard, Bat, and Bumblebee THE BUZZARD: If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top. THE BAT: The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash. THE BUMBLEBEE: A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself. PEOPLE: In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up! Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, But faith looks up! Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and trust in our Creator who loves us. SEND THIS TO A FRIEND.............I did. Today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

 

The Fence

How business is conducted in Illinois

> Jim -The Thoughtful Husband...
>
>
>
> It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it
> becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping
> as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at
> them. Some are over-sensitive, and there's nothing worse than an
> over-sensitive woman.
>
>
>
> My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my
> wife, Christine. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary
> for Christine to get a full-time job along with her part-time job,
> both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.
>
>
>
> Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show
> her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she
> gets home from work and although she knows how hungry I am, she almost
> always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts
> dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and
> just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch
> in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out twice is not reasonable.
> I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.
>
> She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's
> not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after
> dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times
> each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really
> appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done
> before she goes to bed.
>
>
>
> Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will
> say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills
> during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so
> I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out
> over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much.
> I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't
> hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of
> my strong points.
>
>
>
> When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest
> periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished
> mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her
> to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade
> and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for
> herself, she may as well make one for me too.
>
>
>
> I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support
> Christine. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is
> easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will even find it
> impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as
> they get older.
>
>
>
> However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less
> criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider
> that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this
> earth to help each other.
>
>
>
> Signed,
>
> Jim
>
>
>
> EDITOR'S NOTE:
>
> Jim died suddenly on May 27 of a perforated rectum.The police report
> says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver
> II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip
> showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Christine was
> arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 15
> minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Jim
> somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

Incredible editorial from a Ford Dealer in the Pittsburgh Region....
Well written "Letter to the Editor" from Elkins Fordland.
 
 
Please feel free to forward to all your friends.
 
 
Editor:
 
As I watch the coverage of the fate of the U.S. auto industry, one
alarming and frustrating fact hits me right between the eyes.
The fate of our nation's economic survival is in the hands of some
congressmen who are completely out of touch and act without knowledge
of an industry that affects almost every person in our nation.
The same lack of knowledge is shared with many journalists whom are
irresponsible when influencing the opinion of millions of viewers.
Sen. Richard Shelby of Alabama has doomed the industry, calling it a
dinosaur. No Mr. Shelby, you are the dinosaur, with ideas stuck in the
'70s, '80s and '90s. You and the uninformed journalist and senators
that hold onto myths that are not relevant in today's world.
 
When you say that the Big Three build vehicles nobody wants to buy,
you must have overlooked that GM outsold Toyota by about 1.2 million
vehicles in the U.S. and Ford outsold Honda by 850,000 and Nissan by
1.2 million in the U.S. GM was the world's No. 1 automaker beating Toyota by
3,000 units.
 
When you claim inferior quality comes from the Big Three, did you
realize that Chevy makes the Malibu and Ford makes the Fusion that
were both rated over the Camry and Accord by J.D. Power independent survey
on initial quality? Did you bother to read the Consumer Report that
rated Ford on par with good Japanese automakers.
 
Did you realize Big Three's gas guzzlers include the 33 mpg Malibu
that beats the Accord. And for '09 Ford introduces the Hybrid Fusion whose
39 mpg is the best midsize, beating the Camry Hybrid. Ford's Focus beats
the Corolla and Chevy's Cobalt beats the Civic.
 
When you ask how many times are we going to bail them out you must be
referring to 1980. The only Big Three bailout was Chrysler, who paid
back $1 billion, plus interest. GM and Ford have never received government
aid.
 
When you criticize the Big Three for building so many pickups, surely
you've noticed the attempts Toyota and Nissan have made spending
billions to try to get a piece of that pie. Perhaps it bothers you
that for 31 straight years Ford's F-Series has been the best selling
vehicle. Ford and GM have dominated this market and when you see the new '09
F-150 you'll agree this won't change soon. Did you realize that both GM and
Ford offer more hybrid models than Nissan or Honda. Between 2005 and 2007, Ford alone has invested more
than $22 billion in research and development of technologies such as
Eco Boost, flex fuel, clean diesel, hybrids, plug in hybrids and hydrogen
cars.
 
It's 2008 and the quality of the vehicles coming out of Detroit are
once again the best in the world.
 
Perhaps Sen. Shelby isn't really that blind. Maybe he realizes the
quality shift to American. Maybe it's the fact that his state of
Alabama has given so much to land factories from Honda, Hyundai and Mercedes
Benz that he is more concerned about their continued growth than he is
about the people of our country. Sen. Shelby's disdain for "government
subsidies" is very hypocritical. In the early '90s he was the driving
force behind a $253 million incentive package to Mercedes. Plus, Alabama agreed to
purchase 2,500 vehicles from Mercedes. While the bridge loan the Big
Three is requesting will be paid back, Alabama 's $180,000-plus per job was
pure incentive. Sen. Shelby, not only are you out of touch, you are a
self-serving hypocrite, who is prepared to ruin our nation because of lack of knowledge and lack of
due diligence in making your opinions and decisions.
 
After 9/11, the Detroit Three and Harley Davidson gave $40
million-plus emergency vehicles to the recovery efforts. What was given to the 9/11
relief effort by the Asian and European Auto Manufactures. $0 Nada. Zip!
 
We live in a world of free trade, world economy and we have not been
able to produce products as cost efficiently. While the governments of
other auto producing nations subsidize their automakers, our government may
be ready to force its demise. While our automakers have paid union wages,
benefits and legacy debt, our Asian competitors employ cheap labor. We are
at an extreme disadvantage in production cost. Although many UAW concessions begin
in 2010, many lawmakers think it's not enough. Some point the blame to
corporate management. I would like to speak of Ford Motor Co. The company
has streamlined by reducing our workforce by 51,000 since 2005, closing 17
plants and cutting expenses. Product and future product is excellent and the
company is focused on one Ford. This is a company poised for success. Ford
product quality and corporate management have improved light years since the
nightmare of Jacques Nasser. Thank you Alan Mulally and the best auto
company management team in the business.
 
The financial collapse caused by the secondary mortgage fiasco and the
greed of Wall Street has led to a $700 billion bailout of the industry
that created the problem. AIG spent nearly $1 million on three company
excursions to lavish resorts and hunting destinations. Paulson is saying no
to $250 billion foreclosure relief and the whole thing is a mess. So when the Big
Three ask for 4 percent of that of the $700 billion, $25 billion to save the
country's largest industry, there is obviously oppositions. But does it make
sense to reward the culprits of the problem with $700 billion
unconditionally, and ignore the victims?
 
As a Ford dealer, I feel our portion of the $25 billion will never be
touched and is not necessary. Ford currently has $29 billion of
liquidity. However, the effect of a bankruptcy by GM will hurt the
suppliers we all do business with. A Chapter 11 bankruptcy by any manufacture would
cost retirees their health care and retirements. Chances are GM would
recover from Chapter 11 with a better business plan with much less expense.
So who foots the bill if GM or all three go Chapter 11? All that extra
health care, unemployment, loss of tax base and some forgiven debt goes back
to the taxpayer, us. With no chance of repayment, this would be much worse
than a loan with the intent of  repayment. So while it is debatable whether a loan or Chapter 11 is
better for the Big Three, a $25 billion loan is definitely better for
the taxpayers and the economy of our country. So I'll end where I
began on the quality of the products of Detroit .
 
Before you, Mr. or Ms. Journalist continue to misinform the American
public and turn them against one of the great industries that helped
build this nation, I must ask you one question.
Before you, Mr. or Madam Congressman vote to end health care and
retirement benefits for 1 million retirees, eliminate 2.5 million of
our nation's jobs, lose the technology that will lead us in the future and
create an economic disaster including hundreds of billions of tax
dollars lost, I ask this question not in the rhetorical sense. I ask
it in the sincere, literal way.
 
Can you tell me, have you driven a Ford lately?
 
Jim Jackson,
Elkins Fordland

Detroit, Mi. (AP) – A seven-year old boy was at the
center of a County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court
ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history
of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded
custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation
requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his
aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with
her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his
grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat h im. After
considering  the remainder of the immediate family and learning that
domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took
the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who
should have custody of him.


After two recesses to check legal references and confer
with the child and welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody
of the boy to the Detroit Lions, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of
beating anyone.